I jump down the ladder and slip across the garden, sticking to the shadows, feeling like a traitor.
I reach the driveway, but instead of opening the gate, I climb over it, keeping it shady. The moment my feet hit the ground on the other side, I hear someone running toward the gate.
It starts sliding open. Panic shoots through me, and I almost bolt, but I force myself to stay.
It’s Lake.
His eyes are wide. He stares at me in confusion, then his gaze drops to my backpack, and understanding hits.
"You’re leaving us…"
"Yes," I say, and everything about it feels utterly wrong.
"But how? Why? You can’t—" He cuts himself off and presses his hands to his mouth. His eyes shine with tears.
My own eyes burn too. I don’t want to break down in front of him, but it’s too late to take this back. I have to return to my parents in Iceland.
I need to clear my head, to figure out how to find my fated. Moon has those abilities. Maybe he can help me search, maybe I’ll ask him to dig into his visions?
"Where are you going?" Lake asks, his voice trembling.
"To Iceland. To my parents."
"What about Snow—"
"Snowisn’tmy True Mate." Even saying it hurts. "I fooled myself all this time, hoping for some miracle, some mistake with the veradiol tests. I wanted it so badly." My words tumble out as tears slide down my face. "But we slept together, and the First Orgasm didn’t happen. No electric surge like what’s supposed to happen when True Mates connect in Joining. His suppressants don’t block it, they’re first-tier, mild, and I don’t take any at all, so the effect should have been there." My voice shakes and cracks.
"But why? You had the First Touch effect! There's still a hole in our garden to prove it!"
"It was because of our magic. Two sorcerers came into contact."
Lake covers his face and… starts to sob. I feel like absolute garbage. I step forward and wrap my arms around him, holding him tight.
I whisper into his ear, "Thank you for everything you’ve given me, for the kindness and patience, for all of it. You’re amazing. But my parents are fated mates, and my brothers found theirs too. I believe I’ll find mine also. It wouldn’t be okay to give up and stop searching, and it wouldn’t be fair to Snow. His perfect match is out there somewhere, waiting for him."
"So Snow to you… so he’s not… you don’t…" Lake can’t even finish. The sobs tear out of him, making it hard to speak.
And weirdly, I feel no such block in my speech. No usual lump in my throat, no crushing pain, no strangled voice!
How strange… For the first time in a long time, I can speak freely; my mutism is gone.
What happened?
But I don’t think about it too long. I need him to understand.
"I really like him, Lake. We click so well, I was sure he was my perfect mate. I can practically read his thoughts, feel his energy, his moods. It all lined up. But it wasn’t true. Maybe we’re just High Mates. Maybe it can happen sometimes? But it’s not the same."
"You don’t believe you could build something with him anyway? Love him?" Lake’s voice is pleading.
His question cuts deep, because I ask myself the same thing. Am I really so messed up that I’d throw away something almost perfect for the vague chance at something flawless? Is the grass always greener somewhere else?
"I could. I could love him, easily, but…"
The rest sticks in my throat. There’s no excuse. Snow and I could be incredible, TMs or not. I know that.
And I’m still walking away. Like a bastard.
Now, there are two of us.
