I turn around and straighten his tie."It’s a party for children.There are seven- and eight-year-olds here.They do not need to see butt cheeks," I say, pulling the shorts down again."And they’re itchy and scratchy all at the same time.They’re hurting in my nether region.And under my armpits!"My voice rises.
"You don’t need to yell."
"I’m not yelling.I’m expressing my displeasure for sequins with feeling and volume."
Tyler slaps my hind end."I’m personally enjoying the show."
I brush his hand away."There are children here," I hiss.I turn back to the mirror, Tyler standing right behind me."I look ridiculous."
"Ridiculously awesome," Tyler says, his arms circling my waist.He leans his chin on my shoulder."You’re going to be great.And even if everything goes horribly wrong, I want you to wear this tonight—after.I have plans, and most of them involve stripping you out of this very slowly."
Before I can admonish him again that there are children present, he plants a kiss on the top of my head and walks over to his setup.I turn back to my reflection in the mirror.There I am, Rachel Cramer, clad in a skin-tight, red sequined, booty-short romper.The long sleeves make it difficult to move my arms, and I’m worried that the scoop neck is scooping a little too low for the audience.I’m not gifted in the boob department, but thanks to the push-up bra I’m wearing underneath the outfit, my cups are threatening to runneth over.
It was a compromise from the rest of the outfits Tyler picked out for me, most of which included corsets and much more cleavage and were far more suited to the bedroom than a child’s birthday party.I did give in a little for him, and I am wearing fishnets and red high-heeled boots.He said it would make him less nervous.As previously suspected, Tyler has a thing for shoes.I have an entire shelf in the closet of shoes that never leave our bedroom.
I look up at the ceiling."I just know you’re laughing your ass off at me.I wondered about a lot of the things on the list, but I know this was just to troll me."I do a little twirl so my sister up in heaven can get the full view."But this is it.Last one.Then what am I supposed to do with my time?"
Tyler comes back over to me, moving stiffly in the black dress shoes.He’s wearing a black button-down shirt and dress pants, along with a red satin vest and bow tie.It’s not his best look, but on brand for a magician.
That’s right, Tyler has finally taught himself enough magic tricks to string together for a show.I’m his lovely assistant.Turns out, the reason Tyler could never learn how to successfully do magic tricks was that he was always trying to read books on it.It was too nuanced for him to be able to get it successfully.Once he started watching video tutorials, it was a whole different ball of wax.
I swear, if I got to keep every quarter he pulled out from behind my ear, I’d be … well, I could afford a venti drink with extra shots at Starbucks, if that tells you anything.
Our first official gig is at Tyler’s niece’s birthday party.The deck has been converted into a stage, complete with curtains that open and close.We even have microphones and everything, though my super-tight, super-short outfit doesn’t leave much room to conceal it.
The backyard at Joey and Amanda’s house has been transformed into a glitzy, glittery wonderland.There are disco balls everywhere, reflecting the strobe lights.Most of the attendees are dressed as "pop stars."We’re the opening act, followed by karaoke on the stage.Apparently, Cami and her friends have been choreographing routines to go along with their singing since the invitations went out.
Tyler’s set is about fifteen tricks that he’s been practicing for the better part of a year.He’s replaced doomscrolling with magic trick scrolling.It’s fine, except for when he wakes me up because he’s finally unlocked a new trick.
He’d really wanted to start learning tricks with doves.With his practices, games, and travel, it’d be too hard to take care of a pair of doves.Tyler says when he retires from playing soccer, he’s branching out.I’m not so sure about that.Ophelia is terrified of birds and said she will never, in no uncertain terms, hang out at our house if we have birds indoors.Xavier, of course, is encouraging Tyler to get them, and he’s even offered his expertise in caring for birds.
I’ve yet to tell Tyler that I promised Ophelia we wouldn’t get them in exchange for being able to be in the delivery room when she had her baby, Penelope.I mean, when else would I get the chance to crossthatitem off the list?In all honesty, it was kind of gross.Miraculous, but gross.Not only did Ophelia let me be in the room, but I’m one of Penelope’s godmothers.It’s what best friends do for each other.
I haven’t had to deal with this issue just yet, as Tyler’s career continues with the Buzzards.Barring a catastrophic injury, he’s on contract for at least one more season.I can figure out the bird thing then.Maybe I’ll convince him to use rabbits in his act instead.
As planned, I went parasailing off the Rhode Island coast as soon as the season opened.It was not nearly as scary as it looked from the ground.Kind of relaxing, really, and super easy to cross off the list.I should have started with that one.
A random road trip one Sunday in May to the outlets in Lee helped fulfill number five.There I was, minding my own business, driving west on I-90 when I spotted the moose on the side of the road.Granted, I nearly crashed my car looking at the damn thing, but I also felt like Richie was there in the car with me.I could practically hear her laughing.
Forgiving Mom?That was the toughest.It wouldn’t have been possible without Tyler showing me what love can do for a person.That, and the help of a good therapist.Forgiving her past transgressions didn’t mean she got an automatic pass into my life.I was pleasant to her when I had to show her the ropes at Cramer-Romero.The guilt of missing out on our lives is her bag of rocks to carry.I no longer need to add to it.I’m lucky to have Gram and Gramps and my sister, for as long as I had her, and now the entire Doyle clan, not to mention the Boston Buzzards crew.I went from feeling like I wasn’t worth being loved to having a life full of love and acceptance.
All because of Richie’s list.
I still miss my sister.I always will.There will always be a part of me missing, but the rest of me has continued to grow around that hole.It’s not as much gaping and treacherous anymore as it is a tripping hazard.I wish Tyler could have known her, but I feel like maybe he does because I talk about her so much.I used to think that her dying was the end of my life too.Funny, it’s only because of her death that I learned to live.
So now it’s time to cross the last item off the list.I’m about to perform on stage in a sexy, sequined costume.We have practiced the routine so many times, I could do it in my sleep.I just want to get through it so I can change out of this outfit.It really is itchy.I’m going to have to slather myself in hydrocortisone cream before I put it on later for Tyler.That’ll be super sexy.
I look at Tyler and smile.Beads of perspiration form on his hairline.His gaze darts back and forth.Oh shit, he’s starting to panic.
I take both his hands in mine and start singing "I Gotta Feeling."He adds his woo-hoos and ad-libs, smiling at me through it."This is one of the many reasons why I love you," he says, leaning in and kissing me gently."You’ve always got my back.Now, are you ready to do this?"
It’s my turn to nod, and then, following Joey’s introduction, we take the stage.The set starts with a bunch of scarf tricks, and then some card tricks.He’s got a magic coloring book, which is met with impressed oohs and ahs.The kids are eating this up, Cami especially, who’s stopped doing back walkovers for once and is sitting in the front row, transfixed.
My grandparents even made the trek down to see the show.I’d talked to Gram about it so much that I couldn’t exclude her from my debut.Joey and Amanda understood about fulfilling Richie’s list, and why I needed them here for this moment.They were surprisingly gracious about my inviting my septuagenarian grandparents to their eight-year-old’s birthday party.On the other hand, all the Doyles have welcomed me into the family, and by extension, Gram and Gramps.
Tyler calls up Cami and a few volunteers and begins pulling quarters out of their ears right and left.The girls are squealing and giggling.Once all the ears have been rid of quarters, the girls return to their seats on the lawn.Tyler walks over to me."And what about you, young lady?Do your ears need to be checked, too?"
This is not part of the routine, but he’s doing it to mess with me.He knows how much I’m over this trick.It was the first one he learned, and he’s done it a lot.
