"Yeah."Where is she going with this?
"And we’re friends, right?"
I nod again.I want to kick myself for ever telling her that.
"Can you be my friend tonight and help a friend out?"
"Anything you need."Thoughts whiz and whir through my brain with the catastrophic possibilities of what she is about to tell me.Are brain tumors hereditary?Is she dying like her sister?
Rachel sucks in a deep breath and exhales slowly."I think Richie was onto something.She knew how broken I was.Am.She knows trust isn’t something I do easily.It’s why she put number nine on the list.She doesn’t think I can do a relationship, which I probably can’t.But she didn’t want me to miss out on the—other stuff—like she did.She wanted me to have my cake and eat it, too."
I nod, unsure of what else to do.I have no idea what she’s trying to say.
"I know we’re friends.You made that clear.I don’t have any expectations other than friends.I really don’t.But tonight, I want my cake."
"We just had ice cream, but I can see if room service—"
Rachel takes a hesitant step toward me."TJ."Her voice turns soft."Tyler, I want you to be my cake.Just for tonight.Be my one-night stand.I promise, I’ll never ask you for anything again.But I trust you.Be my cake."
I close the distance between us in two steps.Cupping her jaw with both my hands, I hold her face, staring into those chocolate eyes for just a split second before I put my lips on hers.
Her eyes grow wide for a moment, and then her lids flutter shut.She exhales into me, her hands holding onto my wrists.It’s as if she’s afraid I’m going to let go of her.As our lips and tongues and breath mingle, she relaxes, pressing her body into mine.Her hands reach into my hair, pulling it into her fists.
"Rachel," I pant, breaking our kiss for a moment, "are you sure?"
She nods, gazing deep into my eyes."I’ve never done this with another person.I know you’ll be kind."
Oh shit.She’s a virgin.I should have guessed that but leave it to me to miss the cues."Then this means a lot."
This is a big responsibility.I’m honored she even considered me to fulfill this role in her life.
She shakes her head."I promise it doesn’t.I don’t want the pressure of thinking this is love.Or that it means anything.I know it doesn’t."
"Rachel, of course you mean something to me."
She takes a step back."I know.We’re friends.I’m only asking you for more tonight.Tomorrow, we forget it ever happened."
I shake my head."That’s not how it works."
She raises an eyebrow."So you can stand here and tell me every person you’ve ever slept with?Details.Names.Faces.Places.Positions."
My mind immediately goes blank."Uhhhh …"
"You’ll be able to forget me, too.I promise.I … I just need this."She looks at me, her eyes pleading."Please?"
Because I will never possess the kind of courage it takes to do what she’s doing—to ask what she’s asking—I let her believe the lie.
I let her believe that I’ll be able to forget about her after tonight.
Chapter 27: Rachel
I lied to Tyler.I told him we could forget all about it after it happened.I’ll never be able to forget him.But he doesn’t have to know.
He did me a favor.A kindness.
A wonderful, surprisingly pleasurable kindness.
"Is it always like that?"My legs feel like rubber.I don’t think I could get up and walk, even if I needed to.
