"Right, then. Are we all set?" he asks the officiant.
"Yep. Remember to put your masks back on. Stupid rules," he mutters before leaving the room.
I can't stop staring at my hand.
"Is it okay? Do you like it? Should I not have done that?"
Thoughts swirl through my brain as emotions fill my chest. I can't seem to come up with the words to fit how I'm feeling.
Maybe because I don't know how I'm feeling.
"It's all … a lot." I drop my hand, reaching for my coat. Once that's on, I shove my fist in the pocket. Out of sight, out of mind. Problem solved.
Xavier's on his phone, typing away. When he looks up, his brows are creased.
"Everything okay?" Somehow, it's easier to worry about how he's doing than think about the chaos in my own brain.
"Just texting Tony. You ready to go?"
As we head down in the elevator, I try to think about something to say. Something to fill this awkward void. We weren't uncomfortable with each other before the ceremony. Some dumb piece of paper shouldn't change that. But still, I just want to crawl into my bed and hide for a little while. "Are we still going to look at apartments tonight? I know we need to, but I'm not really feeling it."
By now, we're standing outside in the dusky November evening. It's closing in on five and there are flocks of people everywhere, leaving their day jobs like it's any other Thursday.
Certainly not their wedding day.
We do get a few glances from passers-by, the bouquet a dead giveaway. I'm sure they're thinking that this couple doesn't look happy. Rather than attempt to fix my face into something it doesn't feel, I put my mask back on in preparation for the T ride home.
Xavier is busy on his phone again. "Bollocks. I forgot about that," he says without looking up. "I can't make it tonight."
"Good. I know we need to figure out the living situation and all, but this is draining, you know? I didn't think I'd have any emotions about it, but unfortunately, I do."
That's enough to make Xavier look up, the color leaving his face. "Ophelia …"
He doesn't even need to say it—I know what he's thinking. I pull my mask down. "Xavier, it's not like that. I know this isn't real and it's a business thing. I'm fine about it, really. But I just got married for all the wrong reasons, no matter how right they are, and it's nothing like I'd thought it would be my whole life. I'm okay with today, but it's just …"
"Yeah, this is definitely not where I saw my life going either. Nonetheless, we're here, and we should make the best of it. But that's not what I was going to tell you. I can't look at flats tonight because I was invited to a reception for the Buzzards."
"Oh, did your trade go through? That's awesome. I know you said it was time-sensitive, but this is ridiculously fast. Well, you have fun. Should I expect you home tonight? I mean, not home, home. It's not like I'm keeping tabs on you. You can do whatever you want. You can see whomever you choose."
I need to shut up before I start channeling my inner Sinead O'Connor.
Xavier laughs. "No, it's not official, but this is a very good sign. I was wondering if you'd like to join me. It's not a true wedding night, but we should at least let the Buzzards give us some cocktails and hors d'oeuvres." He looks at his phone. "Actually, it doesn't start for a little while. Let's go get a celebratory drink in the meantime."
"You don't have to drag me along. I can just go home."
Xavier links his arm through mine. "Nonsense, Ophelia. I wouldn't have this opportunity, if not for you, so I'm not sending you home. Now, tell me, where should we go get a drink?"
I glance around. "We should probably just head over toward Faneuil Hall. There's plenty of places over there. Where is the reception?"
We start to walk past City Hall, up and over the steps to head toward our destination.
"The Tower. Arlington Street."
"Okay, that's Back Bay. We can take the Green Line from here."
"We can get an Uber."
"You don't like the T much, do you?" Xavier must spend a fortune on cars. I'm still living with the mentality of a broke college student, even though I'm not. An Uber or taxi is my last resort.
