Jasmine bumps me as she twirls into the kitchen. I swear, she's always moving. "Sorry Henny, gotta get me some more oysters. God, Ilovethem. They're an aphrodisiac, you know. Levi'd better watch out."
Then everyone laughs, myself included, because Levi has no more interest in Jasmine than I do in Grayson. Now, if Zak had made that same statement, I'm sure Levi would be all over that. And him.
I wander out into the backyard. It's quiet out here, dark finally settling in on this June night. There's a chill to the air. Nights don't stay hot yet. They won't up here for another month or so. Even after living in the states for over twenty years now, it still seems odd that I'm waiting for it to get warmer in June. As a child, June was a month of new snow and cold.
Funny, if you'd've asked me when I left Australia if I'd ever feel at home anywhere else, I'd have sworn you were bongo. But here in Hicklam, I do feel at home. Linda and Grayson have been much more of a family to me than my own flesh and blood ever were. If we could make the theatre a year-round thing, I could see myself in a little house on Chapel Street, coming home to Tabitha and Paisley, the perfect family—
Whoa.
Where did that come from?
I'm not some starry-eyed sheila, dreaming about houses and picket fences.
Except I just was.
Like my mum always was. She always thought the next bloke would be the one to take her—us—away from the poverty and squalor. Except every bloke was like the last.
At least I can say Tabitha is nothing like the women I usually date. Mostly because I don't date.
And let's face it, Tabitha is like no one I've ever met. Not to mention, she comes as a package deal, giving me the family I've never had.
Still, I'm not ready to be talking about a commitment and a house and the whole gamut.
Christ, I'm more confused than ever.
That is until I see her coming out of the bright house into the dark summer night, illuminated like an angel. Her hair hangs down over one shoulder in a careless braid. Short jean cut-offs, oversized sweater. She's effortless in her style that was most likely crafted with extreme effort. Even at her most casual, her star shines through.
Yet, that's not why I'm drawn to her.
It's the real her that is most appealing. The Tabitha who is worried about being a mother and a good human being. The vulnerable Tabitha.
I extend my hand, hoping she'll take it. I see her pause and consider before slipping her hand into mine. When I touch her, the empty feeling that inhabited most of my chest since I was a small child starts to dissipate.
One person shouldn't have this effect on me.
Yet, here I am. Beginning to sweat like a stuffed pig, despite the temperate night air.
"Mandy and Ben are taking off, and Paisley is with Maria. Where are we going?"
I lift my shoulder and let it drop, but Tabitha can't see the gesture in the dark. "I like to walk when I have a lot on my mind. I started doing it as a kid."
She's silent for a minute before saying, "I'm confused, Henderson. I don't know what I'm doing here."
"That makes two of us. I … I shouldn't have asked you out here with me, but I couldn't take it anymore."
"Take what?" She stops and I feel her turn toward me. I face her as well.
"Take being near you but not being with you."
She stares at me, not saying anything. It's too dark for me to read her expression, but her hand dropping from mine tells me all I need to know.
"Look, Henderson, I don't play games, and I don't like people who do. If we were having a casual, non-committal type fling, that's one thing. And I know that's how it started off, but … I don't know. It seemed like it grew into something more. I know I wanted something more. You obviously didn't. Don't. Which is fine. But I can't do this back and forth. I can't be your little side piece when you're in the mood and nothing to you when you're not. I've done all that before, and I'm too old for that crap. I—"
I silence her by kissing her. It's obvious I'm not good at telling her what I'm thinking, so perhaps if I show her, she'll understand. I take her mouth in mine. At first, her lips seem eager to join mine. But then suddenly, she stops moving with me. I pull back.
"Tabitha, I—"
"Henderson, I just told you I don't want a casual fling, and you respond by kissing me."
