So, it was no wonder I was unsure, confused, and super overthinking everything.
There were so many questions. So many ideas. So many…
“You’re shaking,” Ford said, a hint of amusement in his tone as he scooped up a chunk of potato and shoved it in his mouth.
“What?” I said, brow furrowing.
“Your leg,” he said, cutting his eyes down to my leg that was, indeed, shaking. Well, it was more like it was franticly bouncing. I couldn’t stop it. “You alright?”
“Perfect as pie,” I said a little too quickly. I shifted, and nearly dropped my bowl on the coffee table because I wasn’tpaying attention, noticing for the first time that I hadn’t touched my stew.
I was not handling this well.
With a groan, I sunk back into the couch, my hands coming up to scrub over my face.
“I don’t know how to do this,” I said, feeling like a clueless teenager, when I was really a grown-ass man who should be able to be around someone he had feelings for. “What do people… do?”
He barked out a sharp laugh. It did not make me feel better.
Ford’s face softened as he abandoned his bowl of stew on the coffee table so he could lean back into the couch. He turned his full attention my way as he tried to school his expression.
“Sorry, I wasn’t laughing at you.” I narrowed my eyes at him after he spoke. “No, really. I laughed because, well, I don’t know either. I haven’t had much experience with… things beyond fucking. And what little I’ve had is not something anyone should ever use as an example.”
“Oh,” I said. I hadn’t expected that. I had nothing to say back to his confession. “Clearly, you have more experience out of the two of us.” I folded my arms over my chest, feeling itchy about this conversation. Still, I knew it had to happen. If I didn’t talk, the missed opportunity would have eventually driven me crazy.
“Given the situation I’m in—”
“We’re in,” I corrected him. I knew from the moment Reed asked me to come after Ford and protect him, that I would do that with everything I had in me. But now, protecting him held more weight to it. Either we’d get out of this together, or I’d go down fighting by his side.
“Austin,” he said softly. I shot him a look that had him giving up the argument waiting on his tongue about me not being beside him in this, at least for now. “Okay. Given thesituationwe’rein, I don’t know that there’s much we can do. I might not have a future, not that you’re asking for a huge commitment…”
“No, I’m not…” I huffed out a breath as my head flopped back, my gaze on the ceiling. “I don’t know what I want.”
“A date,” Ford said like he was answering for me.
I shouldn’t have liked that, him telling me what I was looking for, what I needed.
But he was right, so I couldn’t open my mouth to deny it.
A laugh bubbled out of me.
“Yeah, a date would be really nice,” I said. “Something low-key. Like a picnic.”
“On the bed of a pickup truck?” I cut my eyes over to him and nearly burst out laughing when I saw his raised brow aimed in my direction.
“Only if we make a night of it and sleep under the stars.” I let my true country boy accent out, thick and embarrassing.
His smile was soft, but there was a distance in his eyes. It was a nice thought, but I couldn’t really see Ford on a date like that. Hell, I wasn’t sure I could picture myself there either.
Not that it was something we could really hope for right now. It kinda made my heart ache.
“Maybe we could start right here,” Ford said, voice soft and sincere. “We could talk. You know, get to know one another. Maybe nothing’s off limits.”
The asshole raised a mocking brow at me.
“Maybe somethings should be left off limits for now,” I teased back. The smile fell from my lips. “But I will try…” I cleared my throat, unsure of how to make promises I might not be able to keep. I’d been locked up tight for years. I didn’t even want to think about it. It felt so heavy because I was sure Ford had many questions.
“I worked on… that case,” he said, his gaze on his hands now as he rubbed them together nervously. I tensed up. Though he hadn’t said what case, there was only one he’d be bringing up now. “I’d been put on it for a short while. Another thing Lipton had a hand in. I wasn’t on it long, and the offer to take the Deputy Director position came before he was caught. That was one case I was upset to leave. I felt like we were so close, but we weren’t quite there yet.”
