You don’t understand how it feels when you no longer know who you are, without any idea what you’re going to do with your life.
Charlie looks at me, his dark brows furrowed and a hint of anger showing on his face.
“You’re not the only person on earth who went through something. Everyone sitting at this table has lived through shit you couldn’t even fathom, so maybe go and ask them about it once you’re done wallowing in self-pity because your husband is a lying bastard. Maybe you’ll even find out it’s better to talk about your feelings instead of ignoring them. Or just keep on ignoring them, like Logan, it’s working out wonderfully for him.”
He slams the door of the dishwasher shut, and I bite back tears.
“How am I supposed to talk to a person who refuses to listen?”
Charlie groans. “Whatever you're doing right now isn’t the right way to deal with this. Just try again and apologize, have Max tie him up, I don’t know. But you need to do something. It’s only getting worse otherwise.Youare going to get worse. Trust me.”
I gather all my courage and walk back to the table to Logan, who refuses to look up from his cup of coffee until I tap his arm a third time.
“Can we,” I mumble. “Please.”
With a sigh, he leans back in his chair. “I already told you we’ve got nothing to talk about, so stop begging. Just let it go. There’s nothing you could tell me that would excuse what you did.”
“We—Ineed to talk about it. Because this isn’t going to work if we don’t talk,” I say, swallowing thickly.
Max opens his mouth to say something, but a glance from Logan is enough for him to run his fingers through his hair and stay silent.
“Fine with me,” Logan says dryly. “I guess you misunderstood something, Lillian. I don’t need any of this,” he gestures between the two of us, “and I really don’t know what you think we have, but just to make it clear: This isn’t a relationship where we hold hands and talk about our feelings. Do that with Max if you need to, but stop trying to dump that shit onto me. The sooner you understand this, the better, and if you can’t accept it, well, then you’re no longer my problem.”
“I need to get some air,” I stammer, trying to ignore the compassionate looks I get.
Ruby slaps Logan’s arm, hard, and someone asks if I’m okay, but I am not, and all I want to do is get away, so I rush past Charlie toward the patio doors.
“Go talk to her,” Logan barks at Max as I step out onto the terrace. “Fix her attitude. I have no intention of watching your project pout throughout the next week.”
His perfect petwhen I’m good, and just like that, I’m nothing more than a problem.
Gnawing on my lower lip, I jog down the stairs connecting the terrace to the beach. Is this karma for breaking my vows? Is this what Brady meant when he said I’d see what I get for trusting them?
If there had been a chance to go back to the life I had, I’d successfully killed and buried it. It wasn’t a spectacular life, definitely not the one of my dreams, but it was predictable. I knew the role I had to play, and I played it pretty damn well. My days weren’t exciting; highs were not as high, but lows were also not as low. As long as we don’t count the lows I didn’t know about.
I never felt as much as I do with Max and Logan, and I wish I knew if this is a good or a bad thing.
“What’s wrong, baby?” Max asks as he leaps down the last set of stairs, his feet landing in the warm sand with a muffled thud.
He wants to take my hand in his, but I pull it away. As if I forgot how much it hurt when Logan did the same thing to me.
“Hey,” he says softly, putting his hand on my shoulder to stop me from storming off.
“Go back to the others. Your project can take care of herself.”
“Lily.” Max sighs, shaking his head. “You should know Logan by now. Come back upstairs and let’s just forget about it.”
“No,” I say, louder and angrier than expected. “If you can put up with this, fine. But I can’t ‘just forget about it,’ Max. Sometimes, I wish I never agreed to all of this.”
“Baby—“ He wants to calm me down, but every soft-spoken word and every loving touch seems to do the exact opposite right now.
“It was all a lie, am I right? You never wanted to help me, had no intention of getting me into a witness protection program.”
I already began suspecting it the first time we talked to Rockwell, when Max was so insistent that I’d stay with them instead of finding a solution for me together with his captain. But back then, a part of me didn’t want the whole witness protection thing to work out.
“You and Logan just thought it would be fun to toy with the dumb, naïvepetuntil you get tired of me. Well, I guess your buddy just reached that point, and I’m not going to wait for you to come to the same conclusion.”
Max grabs my hand harshly and forces me to stand still.
