So I have a shower, throw on some comfy clothes, and head out to the lounge room to watch some crappy reality TV.
I know some people hate it, but there’s something about it that lets me switch off, reminding me that my problems in life aren’t that bad. I make sure to send Sarah a text.
Me: I won’t be in today. Sean is not okay. I am sick with worry. I’m sorry for leaving you with it today. I’ll call you when I’m feeling up for it x
Sarah: Oh Hun! I’m so sorry. Take your time. I got this until you’re back xx
I don’t know how long I sit on the couch watching TV when I hear tyres crunching in the driveway. I check my phone—3 p.m. already. The boys must be home.
Now I have to decide: do I want to face them, or hide again?
I decide to stay. I need to talk to someone about it.
I can’t ignore Lucas either. He doesn’t deserve me ignoring him. Plus, I missed him last night. I hate not sleeping with him.
The front door opens, and I hear footsteps coming toward the room. I take a deep breath just before they walk in.
“Heya, how you going, Camille?” Lucas asks.
“Hey guys. Ah, sorry about disappearing yesterday. I was at the hospital…” I run my fingers along my butterfly tattoo on my ankle.
“What for? Did something happen?” Lucas asks, worry etched across his beautiful face.
“Yes and no. I’m okay, I think. It’s, um… Sean. He overdosed. I’m still listed as his emergency contact. He’s in a coma. I went to see him. It was…” I start to cry. “Seeing him like that… It was awful. It reminded me of seeing my mum the same way.”
Lucas quickly sits on the couch beside me and pulls me into his arms. Tyler comes to the other side and places a comforting hand on my back as I sob. They probably think I’m being dramatic, but then Tyler says softly, “Do they think he’s going to make it out?”
I hiccup. “I don’t know. I left when his mum got there. She yelled at me…” I wipe at my face. “All I know is that he’s in a coma. I tried to google, but it felt overwhelming. I asked his mum to update me, but she slammed the door in my face… He just looked so…” I cry again.
“I know I shouldn’t care. I chose not to have him in my life. I don’t want him in my life. But seeing him like that… knowing he gotthatbad. I feel like it’s my fault. I feel sick thinking he could die from this. I hate not knowing if he’s alive right now.” Lucas gently wipes my cheek while Tyler rubs my back. Thank God for these guys. It feels good to lean on someone.
“You wanna go back up there and check?” Lucas asks. “Say the word, Cam. We’ll come with you if you need. You have every right to feel upset. You’ve got a big heart. He hurt you, he wasn’t good to you, but you still care. A lot of people would wish someone like that dead. But your heart is good. You’re good. This isn’t your fault. You tried. You almost lost yourself trying. You did everything you could to help him.But it was his choice to help himself. He didn’t. That’s on him.”
“He’s right, Cam,” Tyler adds. “But either way, we’ll be here for you.”
I know they’re right. I did try. I tried too hard. I fought for Sean. I begged him to get help. He refused. The truth is, he was a broken man. I couldn’t fix him. I couldn’t change him. I wasn’t the one who could save him. If he didn’t want to save himself, then all I was doing was draining myself in the process.
I’ve learned that you can’t make someone care. My love, my energy—it wasn’t meant to be spent on him when I had my own problems to deal with. Still… I can’t bear the thought of Sean being like this.
The thought of this possibly being his end devastates me. I’m so damn angry at him for putting himself in this position.
I think I need to go back to the hospital. I need to know if he’s okay. And I really need to book that therapist appointment.
“Thanks, guys. I tried calling earlier, but they wouldn’t tell me anything over the phone, so I think I need to go in.” They both nod.
The boys drive me to the hospital. Thankfully Poppy—the nurse from last night remembers me. Mark and Sandra aren’t here right now either. The boys wait at reception while I head toward Sean’s room.
I stand in the doorway and look at Sean.
It brings back flashbacks of walking into the hospital to see Mum. I bring my hand to my mouth, willing myself not to cry again today.
He’s lying there, motionless. I move to the seat next to him, I sit there for a while looking at him, until I can’t stand it anymore. I can’tdo this. I need to get out. I need to leave.
When I go back out to the reception, Lucas and Tyler are talking with Poppy. They must know one another. I walk over to them slowly, not meaning to interrupt their conversation with my presence. I hear the end of what she’s saying.
“I remember Sean from school. As horrible as it is to say, I wasn’t suprised to see him come in like this.” She looks down, then freezes as if she finally realises I’m behind her. She looks away from them and looks at me with a sad smile, “I can let you know if his condition changes.”
“Thank you, that would be great,” I reply with a nod. I don’t know what I missed in that conversation and I don’t care.
