“We were together because I wanted to be the center of a guy’s world and was too blind to look past the time we spent together. Now, I’ve learned to find fulfillment in my own life and in my work. Learning that was a good thing. But being with you also robbed me of the energy and hopeful romanticism I could have used when I met therightman.”
Patrick followed her gaze.
“Not that guy.” His mouth gaped in disbelief. “Come on, Erin. You had to talk him down from the ledge just now.You don’t want to spend your time dealing with more crazy people. Didn’t you say your mother was nuts?”
“Get. Out.” She enunciated, positive she’d never called her mother “nuts” or anything close to it. “Leave now, Patrick, before I call him back and personally hand him the two-by-four.”
His face paled. This time, she relished it.
When he took off running, she knew it was the last she’d ever see of him, thank goodness. He’d only come down here because of the television show, to try and enjoy her fifteen minutes of fame with her. He’d always liked her “artsy” side as he called it.
But he’d gotten the message. Stay away from her and Heartache.
In the distance, she saw Remy tromp back through the tall grass toward the house, keeping an eye on her retreating visitor. She met him in the middle of the lawn, right beside her flower bed where an ornamental tree bloomed tiny pink flowers.
She couldn’t put off talking to him any longer. He’d be leaving tomorrow. She had wished for a romantic gesture. She knew it wasn’t coming. Even Patrick had been able to see that Remy had problems he still needed to work out. Maybe if she was younger and more naive, she would jump in with both feet and cross her fingers she could help him find happiness.
At first, she’d thought it was simply a matter of taking a risk. She understood now there were calculated risks where you gambled on good odds, and there were foolish risks that were just for the sake of riding the drama roller coaster. She wanted an equal partner. Someone to share the journey with her.
Remy’s hazel eyes met hers. They were greener thanever, maybe because of the colors in the sky at sunset or maybe because of the adrenaline from the confrontation with Patrick.
“I wish you could have seen all the emotions crossing your face just now.” He shook his head as he used his fingers and thumbs to make a square frame in the air. “Even if I had my camera, I’m not sure I could have captured them, they slid by so fast.”
Her throat clogged. Those emotions he talked about were that close to the surface, ready to bubble over.
“Remy—”
“I screwed up, didn’t I?” His arms dropped to his side, golden muscles making her wish she could have seen him paddling his pirogue around a bayou. “Not just going after that guy.” He barely spared a gesture to dismiss Patrick. “But installing the system without asking you. Setting up so many gadgets like it’s my house and not yours.”
“No.” She corralled his gesticulating hands in hers. Held them. “I don’t mind the security. It was sweet and thoughtful and I can’t believe you spent all day working so hard to do something really nice for me.”
He studied her face and lights popped on all around them, flooding the grounds with a halogen glow.
“I might have gone a little far,” he admitted, blinking against the glare.
“The thing is, I guess I let myself get my hopes up when you said you had a surprise for me. I thought it would be tickets to see you in Miami. Or maybe you’d take a page from Scott’s book and come up with some place we could meet the next time you go on a trip to scout for locations.” She lifted a shoulder, not sure what exactly she’d expected. It definitely hadn’t been an alarm system. “Everyday we’ve spent together, I’ve fallen a little more for you and I think you’ve been retreating from me.”
“One step forward, two steps back.” He hung his head. “I knew it might be like that when I tried to rejoin the living.”
His voice was whisper quiet, as if it was some dark admission. Yet, the thing she noticed most was what he didn’t say.
“You don’t deny you’ve been retreating from me.” She’d noticed it after his bad dream. And it had only gotten worse after the episode at the store.
She couldn’t be with someone who lived half his life in an old nightmare.
“I don’t want to.” He met her eyes again and there was no denying the force behind the words. “But the harder I try to move on, the more the past strangles me. Falling for you means I’m going to be scared all the time. Scared of leaving you. Of someone hurting you. I know you don’t want to live that way and neither do I. I thought if I got the alarm set up, I’d relax.” He touched her cheek and his fingers came away wet. “Don’t cry.”
“I find it sad.” She swallowed back dreams that weren’t going to come true. Caring about Remy had been a huge risk, and if given the chance to do it all over again, she would. But losing him was going to hurt ten times as much as she had feared.
Already the hole in heart ached and he hadn’t left yet.
Not physically anyway. But he’d been fading a little more every day this past week.
“I never wanted to hurt you.” He stepped closer, bringing all that physical comfort she needed so damn badly and couldn’t afford to take.
“Ihurt me, Remy.” She stepped back,needing that space between them before she fell into his arms, made love to him all night long and lost the rest of her heart to him forever. “That’s on me and I own it. I’m glad I got to be with you, and be special to you, even for a little while. I hope you find peace with…everything.”
Tears welled in his eyes, too. And oh man, that was going to just break her.
