It feels like so long ago, yet also like it was just yesterday, at the same time.
Maverick gets out and instantly walks over to Ander, thankfully not noticing me breaking into shards as my resolve fades.
“This place is amazing,” Mav says to Ander. “I can’t believe you’d rather live on the shitty Louisiana beach. I’d move here in a heartbeat.” That manages to pull a laugh out of Ander.
There are so many memories here, all withhim. They were some of the happiest times of my life, memories that still haunt me to this day, and I'm hit with them all head-on. Stepping out of the truck, the bottom of my shoe meets the gravel.
There's no hiding from the past here.
There's no hiding from whatwenever were and what I never allowedusto become. Not here. The sting of the wound that will always remain feels all too fresh.
Breathe, Izzy.
I can do this. I can do hard things. I can see him and keep it together. I can do this.
I silently chant the pep talk to myself, trying to maintain my steadily slipping composure.
Fuck, get it together, bitch.
Everyone is talking joyfully, and I hide in the background of their bustling conversations. My eyes constantly dart around, hoping not to see any sight ofJett.
"Iz, you coming?" Dessa calls out as she taps me on the shoulder.
"Huh?" I ask, confused, redirecting my attention away from the barn in the distance and onto her.
"We’re going to ride around the property. Are you coming?"
"Mhm,"I hum with a sigh.
Cole Ranch is stunning. It's always felt like a second home. It was once my escape from reality, and then it became the reality I ran away from.
We ride around for a couple of hours, as Ander shows Dessa and Maverick around. There's so much to see here, with a new breathtaking sight at every turn. The conversations are flowing, and I try to blend in, but I know I'm failing miserably. I'm being quiet. I'm never quiet.
Ander turns the Polaris to the right, hedging us off the trails, and heads back toward the barn. It's then, there in the distance of the pasture off to the right, that I seehim.
Jettson James Cole.
Well, I can't actually see his face to ensure it's him, but Iknow. He's on the back of his horse, that evil-looking fucker Bullet, and he's facing away from us. No one else seems to catch sight of him, but now that I've spotted him, he's all I can see.
Fuck, I need a drink.
We make it back to the main part of the property, where the cabins are. Ander shows Dessa to the one she'll be staying in. Mav raves to Via about how much he loves it here, and I remainquiet. I know I should talk, at least attempt to pick up the conversation, but I can't.
How is he? Did he ever think about me the way I thought of him? Does he hate me? Is he happy? I hope he's happy. Is he still as breathtakingly handsome as he was? Yes, of course, he is. If he ever finds out about the baby, will he despise me more than he already does?
The thoughts race through my mind like a rapid wildfire, showing no signs of taming.
Tears threaten to spill as the thought of our baby comes to the forefront of my mind. I hold them back with every ounce of control I have left, continuing to divert my attention around, searching the property for another glance at Jett.
Ander pulls up to the cabin that Maverick and I will be staying in. They both hop off and head toward the front door. I go to follow, but I'm stopped short by a gentle tug on my arm.
"Hey, are you okay?" Via asks softly, concern evident in her tone.She's on to me. She knows something is wrong.I keep my eyes focused on the field across from the cabin, trying to gain control of myself and my emotions that are beginning to overpower me. I bring my hand to my mouth and nibble on my nails to distract my mind.
"Mhm,fine," I answer back quickly.
"Izzy, if something is—"
"I said I'm fine, damnit. Since when are you so invasive? Aren't you the queen of not sharing information?" I snap.
