Still, I can’t make out the guy's face in the video.Damnit.
Why am I even worried about that? Maybe because my entire life and I are currently a fucking dumpster fire, and I need to get my shit together. Just like I said to Via.
Via…
Fuck.
That’s it. I’m done. I need to slow down on the drinking. Not only did I put myself in danger, but a stranger came into our home. Via could have been put in danger, as well. I can’t have that. She deserves better from me.
It’s time for me to focus on my life. On my future. Isn’t that one of the main reasons we’re in Arkansas to begin with?
Yes. Fuck yes.
The next few days go by in a blur. I’m now known on campus as the “bar slut,” and I couldn’t care any less. I’ve never been one to let others' opinions of who I am affect me. What affects me is that Hannah thought she was doing me a“favor”by posting that video. Forcing her to take it down wasn’t easy, but she finally complied.
Fuck her, and fuck this life I’m currently leading.
I hate what I've become.
I can change some of what I hate. The drinking. The partying. Bringing men to the house.
But changing the deepest parts of my hatred? The parts I fear and am constantly running from?
Changing those parts of me means facing my demons, and I'm not sure that's something I'm ready or willing to do.
Chapter twenty-two
Izzy
June 2022
"We did it!" Via rejoices, reaching for my hand, and I give hers a gentle squeeze.
Tears threaten to spill from both of our eyes as we hug.
I haven't seen her smile so genuinely in a long time. I wish I could bottle it up and save it for her, knowing it may not last.
"We actually fucking graduated college!" I shout, causing a few glares to be thrown my way by the classmates around us. Via just laughs—genuinely laughs—both of us soaking in the moment.
College was unconventional, the first half filled with partying, drinking, and fucking random strangers just to fill a void. The pandemic overtook the second half, consisting of virtual classes, no bar hopping, and still fucking random strangers just to fill the void. The only difference is, now, instead of meeting guys in bars, I use hook-up apps to assure I can vet them first.
Look at me, keeping up with the trends and shit.
Just as the ceremony ends, my mom and Kasten run to us and swarm us in a group hug.
I am so proud of Via. She had every reason to give up on life, but she didn't. She pushed through even when the darkness tried to consume her.
Hell, I'm pretty damn proud of myself today, too.
I actually did it.
I'm a nurse now. The world should be afraid, very afraid.
Insert internal evil laugh here.
My mom takes my face in her hands, my heart swelling at the pride filling her face.
"Izabel Grace, you did it! You fucking did it!" she whisper-shouts with the largest smile.
