"We can. Hell, we already are. I know that we both know we are so much more than just sex. I don't understand why you refuse to let go and admit it to yourself. "
I sigh, looking up and meeting his eyes. Eyes that see through all my bullshit. All the lies I tell him and myself.
Jett wantsmore, more than I can give. If I were any other woman, I’d give it in a heartbeat. But I’m not, and it’s not that easy. For me, letting go is the hardest fucking thing in the world to do.
The hardest.
Stiffening my spine, I swallow my tears and look Jett square in the face. “There’s nothing to admit. There never will be.”
Chapter seven
Jett
May 2017
I take a few deep breaths as we stare into one another. Searching for where to go from here, I'm trying to keep the dissonance bubbling up inside me at bay.
I confessed that I love her, and she's still trying to fight me.
Fight us.
I wouldn't be as hurt if I didn't feel it in my bones, down to my core, that her feelings are the fucking same. But the thing is, I do.
She denies her love for me and continues to lie to herself, but I feel it—in her tender touch, in her kisses that say more than her words ever do. I feel it in her gaze, how she looks me over longingly, and how she lights up when she's in my presence. I even feel it in the way she speaks to me, and the words she doesn't say.
I wasn't looking for love. Hell, I barely knew I was capable of emotion besides what I feel for my family. She changed that simply by being herself, by merely existing.
When we first started this, whateverthisis, she made me agree to keep things casual. Casualistypically my thing, so I agreed and told her it was all I wanted too. I guess that makes us both liars because the thing is, it was never casual for me withher.
I had feelings for her beforeweeven began.
How could I not? It's as if who she is at the center of her soul was intricately designed just for me.
She does everything she can to undermine the bond we've built over the past year or so. It's infuriating.
Tears slowly trickle down her face, and a piece of my heart breaks. My entire body stiffens in awareness as I watch her. Alarm bells are blaring in my mind, telling me I've done it. I've scared her off.
I step toward her, inching slowly, and I reach out to wipe her tears away. Before I can, she retreats.
"You promised you wouldn't fall in love with me. You knew from the beginning I didn't wantthat." Her voice is low, and each word comes out strained as if it hurts her.
She's pulling away.
"I call bullshit," I say pointedly.
She scoffs as her eyebrows pinch together in a scowl of disgust.
I take another step forward. She takes another step backward.
Oh, so we're going to do this dance?
Trying hard to believe her own words, she mutters, "It isn't bullshit. I told you from the beginning—"
"Who gives a fuck what was said in the beginning? The beginning doesn't matter. What about the in-between?” My words spew harshly, my tone laced with every emotion swirling inside me.
She shakes her head, deflecting her gaze as our dance ends. I reach her, wrapping her in my arms, and she melts into me, as if the world's weight is being lifted off her shoulders, like she does every time.
"I'm not just talking about what your mind is saying. I want to know what your heart says," I whisper into her ear, placing a hand over her chest, directly over her heart. Her eyes flash briefly to mine, and it's at that moment she allows me to see all the pain she hides so well.
