Mindlessly, without thought, I reach into his pocket and fish for what he’s in search of, pulling out a small black box and a note.
My heart plummets in my chest as I take it in, still unsure of what’s happening.
“For you,” he whispers, gasping for air. “Always… supposed to be… you.”
I go to respond, but my thoughts are interrupted. “We called for help,” a lady shouts as she crouches down beside me. “The ambulance is 3 minutes out. The operator says to apply pressure to the wound.”
Apply pressure. How did I not think of that? I’m a fucking nurse, for crying out loud. I know damn well that’s the first thing I should have done. I’ve trained for this, and I’ve handled wounds countless times during my stint in the emergency room.How could I lose all sense of knowledge when I need it most? When Maverick needs me most?
The adrenaline pumps through me, pounding in my ears, and I can’t even think straight. Scrambling, I search for the wound, but there’s too much blood to tell where it’s coming from.
“I-I… I don’t—” I sob as my hands roam over Maverick's chest, aimlessly searching for the wound. My eyes shoot up to meet those of the kind stranger.
“Let me help,” the lady beside me says frantically, stilling my hands and giving me a sympathetic look. She’s calmer than I am, and she’s able to find the bullet wound in his chest almost instantly. She presses down firmly, Maverick groaning in pain.
“I’m here, Mav,” I say on a whimper, my voice shaking with each word, leaning down, bringing my forehead to his. “I’m here. I need you to stay with me. I need you to—”
My words are cut short by a gurgling sound from Maverick, and blood begins to trickle from his mouth.
Just then, the wail of sirens in the near distance pierces the air between us, and a slight sense of hope floods me.
He has a chance.They will save him.
I repeat the words over and over in my mind like a mantra. I need to believe them. I need them to be true.
“They’re close,” I whisper, our foreheads still connected. Pulling back, I notice Maverick sucks in a large breath, and I helplessly watch the life drain from his eyes.
“NO!” I shout, my desperate gaze shooting to each of the strangers surrounding us, begging them to change this uncontrollable outcome. It’s inevitable, and I can’t fucking fix it.
Completely out of control.
I’ve always been the person who thrives in situations where I hold control. I am useless right now. There’s nothing I can do to fix this for him.Nothing. No matter how badly I want to, Ican’t control this. It’s a hard realization to come to terms with—impossible, even.
“Maverick, you have given me life,” I say through my sobs, still helplessly watching him fade away. Words—it’s all Icancontrol. “You have shown me that it’s okay to love and be loved—that my past trauma does not determine or define my worth. You have set me free, Mav.” I bring a trembling hand to his face, remembering every ounce of love I feel for him. “You saved me. Not just tonight, but since the moment I met you. You saved me time and time again. I’m sorry...” My voice cracks, but I push on, determined to give him all of my heart. “I’m sorry I couldn’t save you in return. You deserved so much better.” The sob overtakes me, clinging to Maverick with every ounce of strength that remains. “Please don’t leave me.”
Time comes to a standstill, and the world around me passes by in a blur. The EMTs arrive, wrenching Maverick out of my hands.
The kind stranger from earlier wraps me in her arms, holding me back when I reach for him again.
Medical terms and sounds of machines fill the air, but nothing registers.
I seenothing but Maverick, watching his chest for any movement.
I hear nothing but Maverick, praying to any fucking God that may be listening that he says my name just one more time.
I breathe innothing.
The world becomes nothing.
Until one word comes through, loud and clear.Deceased.
I’m not sure how much time passes. Frankly, I don’t fucking care—just remain on the ground, rooted in this spot with my tears as they take Maverick away.
This is all my fault.
Maverick used his last breath to save me, and I didn’t even choose him. I chose Jett.
Jett.
