He releases a sigh, taking his time before speaking. He's always been one to choose his words carefully. His thoughtfulness and intention behind the words he spoke were always something I loved about him. When we were kids, all the others would try to rush him to form his thoughts and say what he wanted to say. It's like they took it in as a sign of weakness. Not me.
I embraced the time between sounds because I knew the words to fill the air following the pause would hold actual meaning. In my world where hateful, meaningless, cruel words were spewed daily, I appreciated knowing that his words would always hold weight.
Silence fills our space for a brief moment, but not for too long. His hand twitches slightly toward mine. I assume it was a reflex as he retreats and quickly pulls it back.
After a while, he finally spoke up.
"I could ask a million, but I'd rather listen to you tell me about who you are. . . nowadays,"
He says with a sigh and a pained grin, pulling at his perfect lips. I can sense he hates that the person who always knew me best hates that he has to ask about who I am.
I reconnect eye contact with him and nod softly, agreeing to his request but trying to hold back the surprise that I'm feeling. I was expecting to answer his questions with simple, straightforward responses. I wasn't prepared to be the one doing the talking or dishing out more than necessary.
Chapter sixteen
Via
"Well," I begin, with hesitation. As I did, his face softened, inviting me to continue and showing me that I had his full attention. "I don't know where to start. There's not much to tell, I guess."
I shrug, the feeling of defeat starting to take over, as I'm not even sure who I am lately to be able to describe myself in detail.
That realization cuts deep.
He looks me over for a beat, studying my face. Suddenly, I'm guessing his inner demon won the internal battle; he reaches across the table, extends his right hand over my left hand, and squeezes softly as his thumb traces tiny circle patterns over mine.
His shoulder brushing mine a few moments ago awakened my body, but that was nothing compared to this.
The jolt of electricity that pierces through me is indescribable. It is a feeling that I can only remember one person bringing out in me, and the same person is causing it right now.
"V, this is you we are talking about. There will always be a lot to tell and even more worth hearing. I want to hear it all. . . Would it be easier if I fired off some little questions for you to answer?"
My breath is taken from me. I'm not even sure how to breathe at this point. Needing to catch my breath and relieve some of the intensity growing between us, I gently ease my hand from his grip and pull it back, placing both hands in my lap. My eyes search his as I nod, signaling him to continue.
He smirked an interested grin, raised his eyebrows, and nodded back.
"First, tell me about college. Did you end up going like you'd always planned? Where did you go? What did you major in? What are you doing now?"
I purse my lips and raise my eyebrows playfully as an awkward laugh escapes me, "Well, you're just jumping right in, aren't you?" I ask as my laughter grows a little. He responds by gracing my ears with a beautiful laugh, but only briefly. I forgot how much I loved that sound. Warmth fills me from head to toe, and I can't help but be put at ease and relieved of almost all the tension and nervousness I was holding on to.
Before I could respond, the waiter appeared with the food we ordered. We thanked him and sent him on his way, and we both dived into the delicious-looking food set out before us. Neither of us was shy.
"Well, I didn't go to Illinois, so I did not attend the Art Institute of Chicago as I had hoped. I did go to college. Izzy and I went to Arkansas and attended Arkansas State University. I received my Bachelor of Science in Nursing, and I'm currently working shift work at the assisted living facility in town as an RN. It's not quite the path I thought I'd take, but when I'm able actually to help someone, it helps to give me purpose. . ." I startto ramble on, and I can see his smile growing. I adjust in my chair, getting more comfortable, and his eyes stay fixed on me.
"I can see that career fitting you just right. You've always had the most caring heart and always wanted to 'save the world,'" he says confidently, with a sweet smile. His eyes squint a little from his smile, which is growing so vast. His dimples are still there. They're hard to see with the beard, but they're there.
My heart started to dance at the expression on his face, and I couldn't help but let out a giggle.
A GIGGLE.
What the hell am I,FIVE YEARS OLD? I've been avoiding him for years and was hesitant to speak to him not even an hour ago, and now I'm sitting here giggling like a little schoolgirl.
I am ridiculous.
"How was Arkansas? That had to be a big change for you, especially with it not being close to the shore. You always loved having that escape. With no sugar cane fields to explore and bayous to stare out into, it must have also been a huge change for you." He says subtly like he wasn't clutching my heart, reminding me how well he knew my soul.
I pause, taking the time to think back to my college days. College wasn't an enjoyable memory for me like it was for many others. Izzy and I left not long after the accident. Most people thought I ought to be, or more so, expected me to be 'healed' at that point.The reality is that I was beginning to break.
My mental health wasn't well in any form. I found myself in a foreign environment surrounded by strangers, and I shunned the idea of actually putting in the work to process my grief.
