“Claire Bear!” He wraps me in a hug and tries to kiss me on the lips, but I turn my face and give him my cheek. He’s not too deterred. “Come, sit. What’s up?”
My heart pounds in my chest, but I won’t let my nerves get the best of me. I inhale deeply, let it out slowly, then say the words. “I want to cancel the wedding.”
A beat passes. Then another. Zach furrows his brow, processing the words. “You want to cancel the wedding?” he repeats.
I nod.
“Okay,” he says slowly. “So…we just stay engaged for a little while longer?”
I shake my head.
“We don’t stay engaged…but we keep dating?”
I shake my head again. “I want to break up.”
He holds my gaze, then narrows his eyes at me. “You want to break up.” He’s not asking—he’s repeating the words back to me—but he doesn’t look like he believes what I’m saying. Either that, or he’s livid.
But I need to hold my ground. “Yes. I don’t think you and I are right for each other.”
He stands and looks down at me. “How can you say that?” And then he paces the room. “We’ve known each other our whole lives. Our parents are best friends. We hang out all the time.”
“Those are all true,” I say. “But can you honestly say that we’re meant to be married?”
“Well, yeah!” He sits and grabs my hands, holding them tightly in his. “Claire, I don’t want you out of my life.”
“I don’t have to be out of your life,” I say. “I’m sure we’ll see each other. But as friends.” I squeeze his hands in mine. “Be honest with yourself, Zach. Are you really inlovewith me? Or do you just love me the way you love a family member?”
He opens his mouth, gaping at me. “I don’t… You’re not…”
“I love you, Zach. But not the way I should love my husband. I will always care for you and want the best for you. And in this case, wanting the best for you means breaking up. Because forcing you to be with me when we don’t really have that kind of love for each other is sentencing both of us to a lifetime of unhappiness.”
“But we could learn to love each other!” he says. “What about those arranged marriages?”
“This isn’t like getting married to a stranger,” I reply. “It’s not the same.”
Zach releases my hands, and he takes a few deep breaths in and out. “Is there someone else?” he asks quietly.
I don’t say anything.
He looks up at me. “It’s that guy from work, isn’t it? Ryan?”
I swallow hard. “Nothing happened with him.” It’s not the whole truth—he did confess his love for me—but I never reciprocated or kissed him or anything, which is what I mean by those words.
“But you have feelings for him.”
I don’t want to lie to Zach, so I nod.
“Great. The nerd gets the girl.”
Fire heats my chest, but I know saying anything to defend Ryan will make the situation worse. “Not necessarily. He moved away, and I don’t know if there’s a future for us.” Saying the words out loud makes me realize the truth in them. I might be too late. Maybe he’s already accepted a new job and won’t come back, even if I tell him I love him, too. Maybe he’s been hurt by me too many times and needs to move on with his life.
But even if that’s the case, I won’t marry Zach. Being alone would be better than being married to someone I don’t love.
My eyes sting, but I don’t want to cry and show any weakness in front of Zach. “But even if Ryan doesn’t want to be in a relationship with me, you and I can’t get married. We’re not meant to be together that way.”
The words are harsh, but I don’t want to leave any ambiguity in the air.
Somehow, they don’t seem to strike Zach the way I thought they would. Instead, he looks thoughtful. “Okay.”
