I don’t know what to tell Annie, though, so I don’t say anything.
“So. Tell me about the wedding,” she says, changing the subject. She sits cross-legged and takes another bite of her brownie.
I heave a sigh. “It’s pretty much done now. Olga finished the dress, so I’ll pick it up next week. And I’ve got the flowers and cake and decorations all done. Next week I’m going to work on the party favors.”
“Oh, that’s fun. I can help with that if you want.”
I nod, not committing to anything. I don’t know that I’ll want her help, only because I’m supposed to do them with Mom and Julie, and I’m not sure if the tension will be too much for Mom to handle.
“Any plans for tomorrow?” Annie asks, then waves her hand. “Not that I’m trying to intrude. I just figure I should know what’s going on.”
“I’ve got my end of the year faculty party tomorrow night,” I say. “So I’ll be gone in the evening.”
“The fancy party?” Annie asks, and I nod. “Do you have a dress?”
I grin. “It’s gorgeous. I’ve never worn a dress like this before. I decided to go with a rental instead of splurging on buying a dress I could never afford.” I describe the color and fit to her, and she’s enraptured.
“Ooh.” She waggles her eyebrows at me. “Is Zach going with you?”
“Uh, no.” I take a quick sip of my tea. “He’s out of town with Tyson this weekend.”
“Oh.” She raises her eyebrows. “Bummer that he won’t get to be there with you in your perfect dress.”
“Mm-hmm.” Why didn’t I think about that myself? I didn’t even consider showing it off for Zach. I knew he wouldn’t be there, but I still ordered this gorgeous gown.
“Then who are you trying to impress?” Annie asks.
I don’t have an answer. It’s just for me, right?
Maybe somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew I’d be seeing the one other person whose opinion truly matters.
The person I’ve shut out for the past few weeks.
“Will Ryan be there?” Annie asks slowly.
“What do you know about Ryan?” I ask.
She shrugs. “Not much. But you’ve talked about him in the past. And I’ve always wondered…”
“Wondered what?”
She blinks at me a few times. I’m probably putting her off with my accusatory tone. “I wondered if maybe he had a crush on you.”
I feel slight relief that she spun the insinuation in that direction, as opposed to saying that she wondered if I had a crush on him. “Oh. I don’t… I don’t think so. We’re just friends.”
“Bestfriends,” she corrects.
“Yeah,” I say softly.
Her correction lands hard.Bestfriends. Ryan has been my best friend for the last three years, and look at the way I’ve treated him.
My heart rate picks up, thinking about everything that’s happened between me and Ryan over the last few months. The engagement, Ryan pulling away, him dating other girls, and me feeling jealous. Then his sudden reappearance in my life—helping me move, taking care of me when I got sick—but my decision to pull back and focus on Zach and our wedding.
I feel terrible for being so cold to him. He’s been there for me this entire time, even when we were slightly estranged.
After Annie’s speech about doing what she wants, not worrying about fitting the mold, maybe I should try harder to mend things with Ryan. Tomorrow night at the party, I’ll try one more time to act like things are normal between us. One last chance to repair the bridge and see if we can handle being best friends, even while I’m married.
Annie settles on the couch and grabs the TV remote. “Should we watch a movie?”
