I pop my head up and raise my eyebrows. “Really?”
She gives a sideways grin and nods. “Everyone does. You’re promising yourself to someone for the rest of your life. It’s a scary thing. We wouldn’t be mathematicians if we didn’t consider all the pros and cons before making such a serious decision.”
Okay. That kind of makes sense.
“You’re like me, Claire,” she says. “Me, you, and Dad. We’re math people. We consider all the possibilities and options before feeling completely certain about our choices. It’s a blessing and a curse. Sometimes we overthink decisions that shouldn’t be so difficult.” She steps closer to me and puts a hand on my shoulder, and I set the knife and cucumber down so I can look at her. “Zach is the one for you. Dad and I can see it. No one knows you like he does, and you’re great together. You’re just getting cold feet because you’re being logical and thinking about it. Don’t worry so much.” She gives my shoulder a squeeze and heads back to the stove, clicking her tongue and complaining that she almost burned the rice.
Is she right? Am I just overthinking this? That would fit my personality description. Logical, orderly, imagining all the scenarios and writing to-do lists so I’m prepared for everything.
The front door opens, and I hear Mike, Julie, and Zach’s voices in the entryway. Mike sits with Dad, while Julie and Zach come into the kitchen. Just like always.
“Hey, babe,” Zach says, squeezing my shoulder. “You look way better.”
“Yeah. I feel better.”
He laughs and looks at our moms. “You should’ve seen her on Tuesday. She looked awful.”
“Thanks,” I say, cutting my eyes at him.
“Sorry, sorry,” he says quickly, kissing me on the cheek. “You’re always beautiful. It just showed how bad you felt.”
“I guess that’s true,” I say.
His face is still close, and he presses his lips against mine in an unexpected kiss.
“What’s that for?” I ask.
He pulls back a couple of inches, his eyes searching mine for a moment. “I was really worried about you,” he says softly. “When you were super sick on Tuesday, and I was there with you, I started thinking about what life would be like if something happened to you…” He swallows hard, and I see the concern for me clouding his eyes. I blink a few times, nearly getting choked up myself at his unusual display of emotions.
He gathers himself and smiles widely at me. “I don’t want to wait anymore to get married. Let’s make it happen. June.”
I hear our moms squeal, but I can’t take my eyes off of Zach. Tears form in my eyes at his sudden outburst. This isn’t the Zach I’ve known my whole life, where the only things that get him truly excited are baseball games and business ideas with Tyson. For a moment, I don’t recognize him, but in a way that makes hope flutter in my chest. “Really?” I manage to say.
He nods. “Really. June…I don’t know, whatever the first Saturday is in June. I want to marry you, Claire. I don’t want to be without you.”
I let out a shaky breath. This is what I was waiting for, right? A reason to feel settled with him?
“Okay,” I say softly, nodding. “Let’s get married in June.”
Our moms cheer and hug, and Zach wraps me up in one of his big bear hugs. I’m happy, I really am, but I also feel…guilty.
Just thirty minutes ago, I felt relief at the idea of breaking our engagement. How awful is that? Should I talk to Zach about it? Does he need to know that I felt this way?
As he pulls back, his eyes glowing with joy, I know the answer is no.
I was just confused after Ryan took care of me, with the added emotions of being around Shawna and her baby. That’s all.
Why would I break off the engagement over some fleeting doubts? I have a man who’s ready to promise me forever, and I know he truly cares about me. That’s not something everyone gets to experience in their lifetime.
Maybe he’s not the best caretaker, and maybe he doesn’t offer me his jacket when I’m cold. Maybe his touch doesn’t send shivers down my spine, and maybe I don’t get excited every time he walks in the door. But he’s loyal and wants to commit to forever with me. He’s a decent person. I have to calculate the odds of what I have and appreciate that even a relationship with our foundation isn’t something you come across every day.
But I can’t be engaged to Zach and still harbor these feelings for Ryan.
I need to make sure I keep my distance from him to protect my relationship with Zach. If that means doing some extra work this weekend, I’ll do it.
Because that’s the only logical solution.
Right?
