Was that a pause of hesitation? Or a pause where she’s thinking about how much she loves him?
I’m going to be sick.
“I just want to be respectful of him,” I say carefully. “I don’t know how a man would feel about his wife being best friends with another man.”
Actually, I do know. If I were married to Claire, and her best friend was another man… Yeah, that would never fly with me. When I do get married, I want to be my wife’s best friend, and I want her to be mine.
She waves her hand. “Zach doesn’t care. He just said this past weekend that he’s glad I have someone else to talk to about my problems.” Her eyes widen, like she realizes how bad that sounded.
“He doesn’t want to hear your problems?” I ask, leaning into it.
“No, of course he does!” She laughs lightly. “But he has so much going on with the app and everything that I don’t want to bother him.”
Sure.
She speaks faster now. “Anyway, I just want things to go back to normal with us. Back to how it was before I got engaged. Don’t you think we can do that? If Zach had a problem with it, he would’ve said something before. But he really doesn’t mind. So you’re worrying over nothing.”
I want to say no. I want to tell her there’s no way I can just be her friend when she’s married. That everything will change between us when she’s going home to someone else, and all I want is to have her by my side.
But I can’t do that to my best friend.
So instead, I say, “Sure. We can do that.”
The smile on her face warms my heart, but it sends a pang through my chest. She stands and opens her arms. “Should we hug it out?”
I snort a laugh and stand. “Sure. Let’s hug it out.” I wrap her in my arms and take advantage of the opportunity to hold her against me. It’s a friendly hug, sure, but of course I’m thinking some not-so-friendly thoughts. Like how good it feels to hold her, and how well she tucks in against me. I could lean my head down and kiss the top of her head…but I won’t. Of course I won’t.
My head tells me to back away, but Claire’s arms are wrapped tightly around my waist, and she’s not letting go. It’s almost like she’s settling into me, too, her cheek resting against my chest. I hope she can’t tell how hard my heart is pounding. I let myself imagine, just for a moment, that she is mine and no one else’s. That there’s no one else she’d rather have wrap their arms around her. Because right now, it almost feels true.
Her arms stiffen, and she lets go in an instant. I release her, and she takes a couple steps back, smoothing her hair behind her ear. “So, um, good talk.” She nods at me and waves, then rushes out the door. “See you later!” she calls on her way out.
“See you later,” I call back. With a sigh, I pack up my things and head out.
CHAPTER 15
Claire
That hug with Ryan was…reallynice.
Like,reallynice.
I don’t remember ever hugging him like that—a full-frontal, arms wrapped around each other hug. And I may have forgotten myself for a moment, leaning into him, getting the full effect of his embrace, hearing his heart thump in his chest. There was relief in being held by him, and not just physically. It was the relief that we’d talked about our friendship and could hopefully put all the weirdness behind us.
As soon as I realized what I was doing, I pulled away. I’ll admit, I was slightly awkward about it. But it is what it is.
The rest of the week has been pretty normal. We had another actual planning meeting on Tuesday, and Ryan doesn’t seem like he’s intentionally avoiding me anymore, but I still feel like our interactions are laced with an underlying tension. So on Friday afternoon, instead of worrying about my friendship with Ryan, I focus on getting ready for a date with Zach.
A date.
We haven’t been on a date in… I think it’s been about three years. But this morning, he texted me and asked if I wanted to go out to dinner and see a movie. I got a little thrill like I used to when he first asked me out. I haven’t felt this way in a long time. Zach hasn’t given me butterflies since… Well, it’s been a while. And ever since we had our wedding planning meeting with our moms last week, I’ve been feeling like I could use a night to reconnect with him.
When we were seventeen and first started dating, we didn’t do anything fancy. We just went to In-N-Out, sometimes we’d go to the beach and he’d play the guitar, or we’d even hang out at home. There’d never been a need to impress each other. I never thought I needed that.
But today, his text not only invited me to dinner, but it told me to wear something nice. He didn’t give any other details, which makes me a little nervous, but I’m pushing that aside and choosing to be excited instead. So for the first time ever, I felt the rush of getting dressed up for him. The idea that he wanted to take me somewhere fancy made me feel special.
After I finish my hair and makeup, I go into my closet and pull out a satin, emerald-green dress. It’s sleeveless with a square neck, and fitted throughout the body, hitting just above my knees. Ryan told me at last year’s faculty fiesta that green looked great with my hair and eyes, and I’ve never forgotten. Not that I’m wearing it for Ryan. Of course not. It’s just…nice to know that I’ll look good. Paired with some tan heels, gold jewelry, and a tan handbag, I actually feel like I could turn some heads. I remember a shawl this time in case it gets cold—a beautiful and delicate crocheted cream shawl made by my aunt Silvia.
My phone buzzes in my purse. A text from Zach.
