Bridget had said something similar regarding my decor. I glanced around my kitchen. When my designer had walked me through it, I’d thought the neutrals were soothing. Now they seemed dull and lifeless. “It will be a striking contrast. I’ll love it. Just like I love you.”
“I love you too, Daddy.”
“Goodnight, baby. Can you put your mom on?”
“Mom! Daddy wants to talk to you.” I winced as she shouted.
A few seconds later, Zara murmured something, then I heard the click of a door closing. “Cole,” Zara said.
“Cait said she’s feeling better,” I said. I took a step away from the spotless refrigerator and leaned on the counter.
“She is. Her fever’s gone, and she went back to school today,” Zara said. I heard a door close on her end of the line. “Thanks for checking on her.” There was a puzzled note in her voice, likeWhy are you calling us?
“I’m interested in our daughter.” I hated the defensive tone of my voice. “I’d like to talk to her more often. Every night, if that’s okay.”
“Okay.” The way she drew out the word, I could tell she didn’t believe me any more than Cait had. I vowed to prove them both wrong. “She said you guys stayed home all weekend watching movies and playing cards?”
I rubbed the back of my neck. “Cards were the only game at my place.”
“She liked it. She liked Bridget too.”
“That’s good.”I like her too.I wished she could have spent the weekend with us, but my head was fucked up. She needed—no, deserved—a man who was soft and supportive. And that wasn’t me. Zara knew that about me.
“She said you seemed more present than usual. Not working as much.”
“I’m trying.” I dragged myself into my living room and sank onto the same unyielding cushion where Bridget had urged me to do better. “I’m sorry I haven’t always seemed like it. I want what’s best for her, and…sometimes I don’t know what that is.”
“What are you saying, Cole?”
“I’m saying I’m not going to fight for more custody. Not right now. Not while I’m CEO. I know I don’t have the time she needs. I also won’t insist on sending her to St. Marcellin. She likes her school, and having joy in learning is worth something.” I sucked in a breath to say the most difficult part. “I’m sorry I didn’t make the time for either of you while I was focusing on my career. You needed more from me. You both deserved more.”
“Where is this coming from?” I could picture her puzzled expression, the scrunch of her round nose.
“I found some perspective. I thought I was right, that I had to be right all the time, which meant everyone else was wrong. Bridget has shown me we can do more together than we can if we fight each other. I’m sorry I was an ass to you and a negligent parent to Caitlyn. I’m going to make it right.”
“How are you going to do that, Cole?”
“By starting small. I had groceries delivered today. Only some fresh fruit and pantry items. Did you know how cheap macaroni and cheese is? It comes in a box.”
She laughed. “Groceries are a start.”
“Can you recommend some games and books to keep at my place for Cait?” I gazed across the room at my bookshelves. My designer had arranged a few leather-bound books and otherobjects on them, but I’d make room for books we could read together. “I’ll ask Bridget too. She has a niece who’s Cait’s age.”
“This thing with Bridget sounds serious.”
“I…I don’t know. I’d like it to be, but I’m not sure we’re right for each other.” She’d been chilly to me in the office, and she’d rushed out early today to meet with her sisters. I needed to straighten things out between us, but how could I be worthy of her without fundamentally changing who I was? “I wasn’t the man you needed. I don’t want to hurt Bridget the way I hurt you.”
“Cole, we were kids when we got together. We didn’t know who we were, much less how to be what the other needed. Plus, you didn’t try very hard.”
“Ouch, but…fair.”
“You know it’s true. Though if you’re willing to think about something beyond yourself and your work, maybe you’re ready for a relationship.”
I sat up straighter. “You think so?”
“Cait really liked Bridget. And she’s driven like you. You could be good together.”
“Maybe you’re right, and if Bridget and I share the CEO role, we can find balance.” Dividing up the role and acting as partners could mean less work for each of us. “If it’s okay with you, I’d like to have a week with Cait next summer, when she’s out of school. We could take a trip, do some hiking and kayaking.”
