I finished my biceps curls and slowed my breathing while I waited. “Yeah. We had some reports to review.” Too bad I’d acted like a dick and sent her away. Reviewing the reports on my own while Caitlyn watched a movie wasn’t the same as doing it cuddled on the sofa with Bridget. Though if she’d stayed, I’d have been tempted to put my hand under her skirt, and we probably would never have gotten around to the report.
“Is something going on there?” he asked.
I considered lying, but my brother and I always told each other the truth. “Yeah. Something was. We fucked in Costa Rica, and now it’s messing with my head. You know.” I shrugged.
“No.” He paused, mid-press. “I don’t know about fucking my co-CEO. That sounds like a terrible idea.”
“I know, and I almost did it again on Friday, but I sent her home. That was the right thing to do, wasn’t it?” I started another set of curls.
He planted his feet. “Why are you even asking? Of course it was. Don’t you remember the scandal that happened a few years ago over at Synergy? The COO was fucking his secretary. The secretary ended up quitting. Do you want O’Brien to have to quit?”
“She’s not my secretary. We’re peers. And who’s to say I wouldn’t be the one who quit?” My trainer would kill me if he saw my erratic reps. My smartwatch flashed angrily about my heart rate. But I had to say what I’d been thinking all weekend. “We’re fantastic together. Would it be so terrible to be partnersin the office and also after hours?” The hope I felt had to be embarrassingly plain on my face.
“Partners?” He put his hands on his hips and glared at me. “Like, it’s not just fucking? You actually care about this woman? You want to build a life with her? I thought you hated each other.”
“We did. Before Costa Rica.” I got off the machine and told him what happened during the retreat. How our animosity and competitiveness turned into cooperation. Then something more. “And now we’re back, and she’s all I think about. I think I…I might…”
“Love her?”
“No!” Love was messy. Uncontrollable. It finished in pain and regret.
“Then what? How do you feel about her?”
I scratched the back of my neck. “She’s smart. Compassionate. Capable.”
“Those are facts. Keep digging. How do you feel when you’re with her?”
“Annoyed, sometimes. But mostly…strong. Calm. Peaceful.”
“Happy?”
“Hell, what’s that?” I chuckled, but I couldn’t manage my usual smirk.
“Exactly what you’re describing. It’s the way you feel when you’re with the person you love.”
My watch beeped about my heart rate again, and I smacked it to silence it. “That’s not what I felt with Zara. With Zara, I worked hard to impress her and give her the life she deserved.”
“But you don’t feel that need with Bridget.”
“Well, I do, but she’s more mature. She’s nine years older than me and confident. So fucking self-aware. She knows what makes her happy, and she won’t put up with my bullshit. I’mafraid she wants more than I can be, like a hero. And she makes me want to…to bring my best self to her, you know?”
“Sorry, man.” He leaned forward and gripped my shoulder. “You’re in love.”
I winced. “My life would be so much easier if I weren’t.”
“Nothing you can do about it now, though. Other than accept it. Be the man she needs. And tell her how you feel.”
“What if she doesn’t feel the same way?”
“Then things are going to get pretty fucking awkward.”
And messy. I hated messy. And so did Apex’s board.
30
I GET CAUGHT UP IN THE CHRISTMAS SPIRIT
Something you ponder late at night?
