Jason
It’s the day of Nick’s wedding. I should be happy, but instead I feel like shit for how I’ve been treating Mia. I haven’t been mean to her. I just haven’t been like I usually am around her. I’m not holding her hand. I’m not complimenting her. I’m not putting my arm around her or giving her a hug. It’s been hard not to do that stuff, but I made a commitment to treat her like a friend, nothing more, and I’m keeping that commitment.
All last week I thought about Mia, about how much I like her and how much I miss her when she’s not around. And then it hit me that I was doing it again. I was letting myself fall for her just like I did the night of the wedding. I was dreaming about her, imagining a future with her, forgetting the fact that she’ll be gone soon.
Last weekend I treated her like a girlfriend and started to believe that she was, but I can’t do that. It’s not fair to either of us. Mia’s not my girlfriend and never will be, so I can’t play thisgame where I pretend that she’s mine. And yet whenever she’s around me, I find myself wanting to hold her hand and put my arm around her. It feels natural to do those things and unnatural not to, which is why I’m struggling to stay away from her.
I did okay last night. Mia didn’t want to go to the rehearsal so I dropped her off at my apartment. When I got home, she was already in bed. I was on the couch all night, but I couldn’t sleep. I laid awake thinking about her in my room, wanting to go in there and apologize for being cold and distant. I wanted to hold her in my arms and tell her how she makes me feel and how she’s on my mind every second of the day. But instead I remained on the couch until morning.
When she got up, I was already dressed and ready to take her to breakfast. After we ate, I drove around, showing her the town. I was really just killing time until we had to leave for my parents’ house. The less time we have alone together at my apartment, the better. I keep thinking about last weekend, before she left. We went to my apartment so she could get her things and ended up having sex. I had no intentions of doing that. It just happened, but it can’t happen again.
‘You waiting for someone?’ Dad asks, coming down the stairs.
‘Yeah, Mia. I was just going to let her know I’d be upstairs changing.’
He nods. ‘She’s up with the girls. I need to go check on some things in the barn.’ He goes down the hall.
Mia and I arrived at my parents’ house an hour ago to help with whatever last-minute things needed to be done. Turns out they didn’t need our help. Mom just told me they did so I’d gethere early. She was worried I’d show up late. She should’ve been worried about Brody. He’s the one who’s never on time.
Maybe I’m imagining it, but I feel like my parents are starting to see me as being less mature and responsible than my brothers. I think it’s because I’m still single, which is completely unfair. Being single doesn’t mean I’m irresponsible. It just means I haven’t found the right girl. But my parents equate settling down with maturity, so to them, my single status means I need to grow up.
‘Lyndsay looks gorgeous,’ Mia says as she runs down the stairs. ‘I absolutely love her dress!’
Mia’s been hanging out with my brothers’ girlfriends since we got here. I’m not even dating Mia and yet she’s like part of the family. I’m not surprised everyone loves her. She’s got a bright and sunny personality that makes you want to be around her. And she’s a hugger so she fits right in with the rest of us.
‘Is Lyndsay almost ready?’ I ask.
‘Yeah, she’s just finishing her hair and touching up her makeup.’
We walk to the living room and sit down on the couch.
‘How’s Nick doing?’ Mia asks.
‘Good. He’s not even nervous. But he’s wanted to marry Lyndsay since high school so it’s not like he has any doubts.’
‘I’m really happy for them. They’re a great couple.’
‘They are. They remind me of Mom and Dad. Always looking out for each other. Hardly ever fighting.’
The front door swings open and Gina storms into the house, with Sawyer following behind her.
‘What the hell did I do?’ Sawyer yells.
‘Are you serious right now?’ Gina stops behind the couchwhere Mia and I are sitting and glares at Sawyer across the room. ‘I heard you! You asked that girl out!’
‘I did not ask her out!’ Sawyer goes over to Gina. ‘Why were you even there? You were supposed to be here, helping Lyndsay get ready.’
‘She didn’t need help. She has like ten girls up there. And stop changing the subject. Why was that girl at the brewery with you? And why were you telling her to meet you at your apartment Monday night?’
‘Because I .?.?.’ Sawyer looks down, shaking his head. ‘Let’s not do this right now.’
‘Oh, we’re doing it. I’m not waiting. If we’re through, just tell me. I’m not going to be your girlfriend all night only to be dumped tomorrow for some blonde with fake boobs. Is that really what you want? Because if it is, why’d you ever date me?’
‘Guys,’ I say. ‘Why don’t you take this outside?’
‘Stay out of this, Jason,’ Sawyer says, keeping his eyes on Gina.
‘I’ll just go,’ Gina says. ‘I can’t watch people get married after finding out my boyfriend’s cheating on me.’
