‘Now it’s more about not wanting to disappoint them.’
‘I can’t imagine you disappointing them. You’re independent, supporting yourself, going to grad school.’
‘They’re helping me pay for grad school so I’m not really independent yet.’
‘Yeah, but still, I can’t see you disappointing them.’
They’ll be disappointed when they find out I’m pregnant and no longer with the father. I don’t even want to think about how upset they’ll be, and worried. They already worry about me being single and making it on my own, but add a baby to the mix? They’ll worry even more, thinking I won’t be able to support both the baby and me.
‘I faked being sick all the time,’ Jason says.
‘You did?’ I look up and see him smiling. ‘Why?’
‘Because I didn’t want to go to school. I thought it was a waste of time. I wanted to play professional baseball. I didn’t need school for that.’
‘If you didn’t like school, how’d you end up going into teaching?’
‘Mr. Anton, my seventh grade science teacher. He made the class fun, to the point I actually looked forward to going. He’d let us do experiments where we’d blow shit up or have stuff ooze all over the floor. I thought it was the coolest thing ever, and by the end of the year, I’d become a science geek. Well, maybe not a geek, but I was really into science.’
‘So one teacher changed your entire life,’ I say, smiling at him.
‘Pretty much. I still wanted to play baseball, but I was starting to realize that playing professionally wasn’t as easy as I thought. I decided to focus on playing at college.’
‘Did you do it? Did you play college baseball?’
‘I was supposed to, but I got injured the summer before I got there. I couldn’t play and was dropped from the team. But now I get to coach and hopefully make some other kid’s baseball dreams come true.’
‘So after seventh grade, you stopped faking being sick?’
‘Hell no. I still did it. All the damn time.’ He laughs. ‘If it was a nice day, I’d tell my mom I didn’t feel well and had to stay home. I’d tell her it was my stomach or that I had a headache, something I didn’t have to prove. And then I’d sneak out of the house and ride my bike to the batting cages.’
‘And your mom didn’t know?’
‘I’d plan it around when she’d be gone or when she’d be outhelping my dad in the orchard. I got caught a couple times, but most of the time I got away with it.’
‘I couldn’t do something like that. I’d be too worried my parents would find out. I wish I could be more like you and not worry so much about disappointing my parents.’
‘I worry about disappointing them. I just don’t let it take over my life. Or sometimes I just don’t tell them stuff. If I know something might upset them, I keep it to myself.’
‘Like what?’
He pauses a moment. ‘If I tell you this, you can’t tell my parents. Not that you would. I’m just saying, I don’t want them knowing.’
‘What is it?’
‘I helped Brody buy a house last year. It was an old run-down house. Brody was going to fix it up and sell it and we’d split the profits. He was really excited about doing it, but he already had debt from his lawn care and snow removal business so the bank wouldn’t give him a loan for the house unless I bought it with him. I put all my savings into the down payment, then had to keep making the mortgage payments because Brody didn’t have money coming in. I ended up getting myself in debt trying to pay his bills and mine. We finally sold the house, but I’m still trying to pay off all the credit card debt I racked up.’
‘I don’t understand. You were helping your brother. Why would that disappoint your parents?’
‘They’d be disappointed I let Brody get in over his head. If I hadn’t helped him, he never would’ve bought that house and neither one of us would’ve ended up in debt. I’m the older brother. I’m supposed to be looking out for him, and instead I helped him to do the wrong thing.’
‘I don’t think it was wrong. You were supporting him in something he really wanted to do. I think your parents would be proud of you for that.’
‘I still don’t want them to know. They don’t need to. It’s over now. We got rid of the house and Brody has another one, which he bought with Kate. She used to be a financial planner so I’m not worried about Brody going broke anymore. Kate will make sure their bills get paid.’
‘But what about you? Are you really in that much debt?’
‘It’s not as bad as I made it sound. I just need to pay off my credit cards and build my savings up again. I really wanted to have a house by now, but I guess I don’t really need one if it’s just me.’
