‘How like you to see it in those terms.’He said it so coldly.As though she were someone he barely knew.Someone he didn’t much like.
‘I came to ask you not to go.’She had to force herself to say the words.No matter how much she wanted something, any appeal was hard for Maureen.
‘Well, it looks as though you may have got your wish without having to ask anything.’He bowed stiffly in her direction.‘Congratulations.’
‘But …’
‘You know,’ he said then, in a way that was almost conversational, so that she leaned forward eagerly, ‘I almost welcome it.’
‘Welcome what?’
‘War.’He opened the double doors to the garden again so that she caught the grateful smell of wet grass.
‘How is that possible?’
‘An end to the talking, the trying and striving and scheming to prevent what in all probability cannot be prevented.For all that Kennedy thinks we’re eager for war, determined to rush towards it, that’s not true.We too are trying to avoid it.Only not at any cost.But it’s like putting our hands up to stop a train or a tractor, some heavy engine that has begun to lumber downhill.It cannot be stopped, only slowed.And so – a new phase, of action.’
‘But you won’t fight.You said at lunch with the Devonshires that you would not.’
‘No.Yousaid I would not.I said nothing.’
‘But you are under-secretary of state …’
‘And when war breaks out, I will resign and enlist.’
‘Duff!You must not!Why?’It had never occurred to her that he would join up.Through all that talk of war, she had always been a little indifferent.Even watching that terrible film the ambassador had put on, she had felt remote.Pity, of course, for the young men around her – poor Billy and Andrew, that fool Hugo – but it had been a pity without urgency.She had felt safe in the knowledge that her father was too old, Sheridan a baby, and Duff secure in his government post.How, she thought suddenly, had she not realised that he would join?Of course he would.
‘Why?’she said again, but without the same emphasis this time.It was a word to say, that was all.She knew why.He had told her – told them all – over and over.Only she had not listened.But now, instead of talking boldly of duty, honour, he said something quite different.
‘I am in a mess,’ he said, coming towards her.‘Even I can see it.For all that your barbs are vicious, Maureen, they’re not wrong.’He raised his hands to his head for a moment and pressed his fingers into his temples.‘That ghastly blunder yesterday.I know you began it but you’re right, I should have noticed and stopped it immediately … Perhaps war will be a chance for me to begin anew.A chance to make you proud of me.To make Sheridan proud.Caroline and Perdita too.’
‘Iamproud of you,’ she said.
But he didn’t stay to hear her.He stepped out through the open doors onto the paved patio and into the blazing day.For a moment he was framed within the window, the sun behind him so that he was a dark silhouette.Then he set off across the garden.
Chapter Forty-Four
Doris
‘If you want your clothes back, here comes Elizabeth now.’Doris flicked her eyes towards the house, from where Elizabeth could be seen, wearing Honor’s cream silk pyjamas, picking her way across the lawn in a pair of silver heels.
‘She will leave holes,’ Honor said in irritation.‘And Andrews will be furious because he is about to serve lunch and she’ll be looking for breakfast.’
‘Poor Honor,’ Doris said lightly.‘Such a bore for you.’
Honor laughed, reluctantly.‘I know you think my concerns are ridiculous,’ she said, ‘but they are my concerns.’
‘Not ridiculous, just unworthy.’
Elizabeth reached them and dragged over a chair to the little table.‘Maureen and Duff are quarrelling most magnificently.’She took a cigarette case from the pocket of her pyjamas.‘I heard them as I went by.I lingered awhile.Just to make sure.’
‘Make sure of what?’Doris asked, curious.Elizabeth hadn’t bathed, she thought.There was a musty smell from her.She edged her chair away.
‘That they really were fighting properly.’She lit the cigarette and inhaled deeply, exhaling with a sigh.‘Not just rowing idly, the way they like to.’
‘And?’
‘They were,’ she said in satisfaction.
