‘I hadn’t thought of that,’ Doris admitted.‘Trust you to see something I didn’t.’She nudged Honor’s shoulder gently with her own.‘I don’t think you’re right, but it would be reckless not to consider it.’
‘So what will you do?’
‘Spend more time with him.’
‘You know Chips will find out?’
‘Which is why you must be careful to be shocked and disapproving, just as you usually would be.’
‘Iamshocked and disapproving.’Honor leaned back and rested her head against the top of the chair, tilting her chin so that she looked straight up into blue sky.‘It is as though we were in a play, on a stage,’ she said after a moment.‘In the audience are all sorts of people, all watching for their own ends.We cannot see them, and they cannot see each other, but still they watch.’She shivered, even though the sun was high and hot.‘I don’t know how much I like it.’
‘Not at all, I should think.But you mustn’t let it affect you.Try to forget I told you any of this.It was simply the most marvellous coincidence that Chips should be so keen himself on Fritzi; should bring him here, with you, with the Americans, all neatly tied up together with a bow.’She burst out laughing.‘He does me good turn after good turn, your husband, and it kills him to know it.’
‘Later, when you have gone and I am particularly low,’ Honor said, ‘I will try to remember that.’
‘By all means,’ Doris said.‘Although what I really hope is that there is some way for you not to feel so low.’She reached over and took one of Honor’s hands and held it.‘I think we must try to find a way out of this for you.’
‘You mean divorce?’
‘I do.’
‘I can’t see the point,’ Honor said, shrugging.‘All that fuss and upheaval, and for what?What would I even do, if I were no longer to be Mrs Channon?’
‘I don’t know,’ Doris said, ‘but I am certain you would quickly find out.And – whatever it is – it would be better than staying married.’
‘I am used to being married.If there was someone else … Someone to be free for, then I might …’
‘There is yourself.’Doris was almost stern.
‘It’s not enough,’ Honor said sadly.‘I find I cannot stir myself on my own behalf.Especially when I think how much my mother would hate it.’
‘I daresay she would hate it more if she knew how unhappy you are.’
‘I daresay she would not.’Honor laughed, a little.
‘Well, if not yourself, Brigid.’
‘Brigid?’
‘Chips wants to see her make the exact same type of marriage that you made.A man older, more worldly.A dazzling match, but one she will be happy in?I don’t see it.’
‘I think Brigid is a good deal sharper than I ever was.’
‘Perhaps.But she’s also very young.’Doris poured another cup of coffee and added cream, stirring so that it swirled through.‘Now tell me, have you been gardening without gloves?’
Honor looked down at her hands.Her nails were unpolished, split and the cuticles ragged where she had bitten them.Recently, she had been too nervous to allow the maid anywhere near them, unable to sit still for the time it took to buff and polish.She recalled the figure that had looked back at her from the looking-glass that morning.Large, untidy, sprawling.Unhappy.‘We can’t all be beautiful,’ she said.
‘You are a handsome woman, Honor.On a good day, splendid.But there aren’t so many good days just now, are there?’
‘It is a long time since I have bothered very much.Chips likes to see me dressed up.He always notices what jewels I wear.But beyond that, he never looks at me.Why should I make any effort for a man who doesn’t look at me?’
‘What if it wasn’t for him at all, but for yourself?’
‘I could be tidier,’ Honor agreed, putting a hand to her hair, which had already escaped its pins and was starting to straggle.She smoothed the front of her dress.‘Perhaps I should ask Elizabeth for some of my clothes back?’
Chapter Forty-Three
Maureen
