Through all that, he still never did find out about my daughter.
Just after I turned sixteen, his gaze fell upon another young woman whom he quickly acquired possession of. Once she was settled in his home, he tried to sell me off to his friend, but I disappeared before he could complete the deal.
He chased me all over the country for several years before someone finally killed him, and I could lie low for a few years. Fear gripped me at the thought of venturing out because I knew there were other monsters out there just waiting to take advantage of a young woman. I refused to let them get their hands on me. Not only that, but I had to allow myself some time to heal.
After a few more years in hiding, I decided to try my hand at fitting into society again. At first, things went well. The world had changed, but it was still predominantly male-dominated. Women had absolutely no rights, so it was frowned upon for a woman to remain unmarried or be without her parents while she remained so. The biggest mistake I made during this time was allowing those around me to know what I was. I should’ve taken on the identity of another until I knew more about these people. But I was still young and knew nothing about society back then.
The church quickly discovered I was unmarried and orphaned. To appease society’s expectations, they presented me to several bachelors and basically auctioned me off to the highest bidder. But the thought of another man touching me repulsed me, so I tried to escape several times. I made the mistake of changing myappearance, and that’s when they discovered I wasn’t human. Upon capturing me, they locked me in a room until my new husband came to claim me.
He was a vile man who often kept me locked in the house to keep me from leaving. It didn’t keep me from trying, though. I fought him every step of the way. And when he tried to rape me, I killed him with my bare hands.
It was my first murder, but I don’t regret it, even to this day. The thing that hurt the most was when I found out I wasn’t his first victim by any stretch of the imagination. And the church was condoning his actions by giving him woman after woman when he was done with the last.
After the church found out what I did, they tried to lock me up again, and the townspeople lost their minds. They called me a murderer and claimed the man I killed deserved justice. Yet no one took the time to listen to me because I was a woman. Everything I’d done to that man was done in self-defense. And no one batted an eye at the fact that he had killed other women before me. Did his victims not deserve justice?
I got out of that town as quickly as possible, changing my appearance several times while I traveled to avoid recognition. When things cooled down and I actually took the time to look at everyone around me, I realized that there were more monsters than I could’ve ever imagined in this world. That’s when I knew I had to do something. So I did what no one else would at the time; I began hunting down the monsters no one was doing anything about.
Hunting them down has slowly turned me into one of them, though. Especially when I’m on a mission and forget to feed myself. Let’s just say that when I get hungry, I lose sight of who I am. It doesn’t help that normal food doesn’t do shit for me when I get to that point. When I’m starved, the only thing that cansatisfy me is the life essence of another. Basically, I either drink blood or take a piece of someone’s soul.
I hate it because I don’t want to be a bad person, but when hunger takes over, I lose control. I’ve killed my fair share of likely decent people by accident. If it’s a monster, I don’t feel as bad. But that’s why I let it get so damn bad sometimes. I figure that if I let myself lose control with a monster, I can justify it. I’m going to kill them either way.
When said monsters are demons, it fucks everything up, though. They can’t offer me anything because they don’t have souls, and their blood is toxic if ingested. So, I’ve learned to pace myself and keep tabs on my hunger when pursuing a demon. Thankfully, they’re sparse in the human realm—they tend to stick to their own realm more often than not.
Since I’m one of the best hunters there is, I’m highly sought after. It doesn’t surprise me that most know me—I’ve walked this damned Earth for long enough. But hunting all these monsters doesn’t feel like a purpose enough anymore. I want more from my life than just this bullshit.
Over the years, there’ve been several people who’ve made me realize that noteveryoneis awful. At least, that’s how I remember them. Then again, maybe I’m just lying to myself and making those people seem better in my mind because I want some fucking meaningful interaction. A friend who won’t judge me for what I am. Maybe even a little bit of love… if that’s a thing for someone like me.
My problem with finding someone to fill the empty void in my life is that I struggle to see the good in others. Monsters and those who’ve wronged me in the past have tainted my view of society as a whole. It’s as if I’m always worried that someone is out to get me. I’ve spoken to some of my longtime colleagues about how I’m feeling, and they tell me to rely on my instinctswhen I’m getting to know someone. They say it’s ‘what’ll tell you if someone is inherently good or bad.’
I’ve tried trusting my instincts a few times, and I think whoever said that in the first place is full of shit. The last time I tried to ‘trust my gut,’ the relationship fucked me up for years. Needless to say, I’m going to put that advice on the back burner. Or I might not ever use those things again.
While Ihavebecome desperate for connection, I won’t settle for just anything or anyone. I want someone who can keep up with my disastrous lifestyle, someone who isn’t worried about being caught up in it. I need someone who can bring a little bit of light to my otherwise dark life, but also someone who’s been through some shit and doesn’t expect their life to be sunshine and rainbows constantly. Last, but most importantly, I want someone who isn’t looking to fuck me over, mistreat me, or hurt me. There’s been enough of that in my life.
I think maybe I need to change the way I look at people. And I need toattemptto open up to others more than I have in the past. The idea of it scares the fuck out of me, but I’m tired of being so lonely all the time.
Pain and hatred are the only things I’ve felt for so long, and I really want to feel something different again.
Chapter one
Istride across the rooftop of a two-story building, heading for a scent I know all too well, one that captures my attention no matter where I am. Blood. With the massive amounts I’m detecting, I assume I’m going to find a body, but I have to be careful. You never know if your perp has left the area until you get there.
When I approach the edge, a courtyard comes into view. It would be even more beautiful if there wasn’t a dead woman who’s been nearly ripped to shreds in the center. A pang of sadness echoes through me because I know I’m not here to track down a monster; I’m here for a woman.
Roxanna Emeri Marie Bellavance
Remember how I said I wanted to feel something besides pain and hatred? Well, one look at this beautiful woman nearly a century ago made me feel something different.
Obsession.
At first, I was pissed because out of all the fucking emotions, why did it have to be that one? I watched over her for nearly three weeks, trying to figure out who she was and why I was having such an intense reaction to her presence. While I watched her, my mind calmed, like some semblance of peace washed over me, which had never happened before.
But then my hunger tried to take over, and I nearly went feral, so I had to leave. When I returned, the house was empty. I was gone for all of three days.Three fucking days.
I’ve been looking for her ever since, getting tips here and there that haven’t panned out. Something just feels different about this one. I’m not ready to let her go yet.
A man’s voice drifts up to me from the courtyard, bringing me back to reality. “What the fuck is happening in this city? This is the third girl this week. Someone needs to stop this monster before the humans discover what’s happening right under their noses.”
I glance down and find a woman standing beside him. She shifts on her feet with her arms crossed over her chest, uncomfortable with the scene before her. “With it being near Halloween, supes are already walking a fine line in this city, especially since these damn humans grow more and more suspicious by the day. There are so many stories about us supes and what we’re rumored to be capable of. As much as the fuckers scare me, maybe someone should bring the hunters in.”
