The knot inside my throat is growing by the second, and I’m unable to breathe. Unable to speak.
Unable to feel anything beside the goosebumps that prickle against my skin.
“I still hate you,” I exhale. “Why are you doing this? Let mehate you.”
My back hits against the wall, knowing I have no more room to back away from him. I don’t fear him, I fear his deranged mind thinking he can be this close to me.
I’m afraid to hurt him. Afraid toburn him.
A curl cascades along his brow, covering his left eye while a soft smirk tugs at the corner of his lip. “Do you fear me still?”
I swallow, chest trembling as I exhale. “When have I ever truly feared you?”
“The day you fell into the frozen lake?” His eyes drop to the healed wound along my cheek. “What about when I shifted?”
“Never.”
“Sometimes I wish you did.” His eyes soften. “It would make loving you easier.”
My heart flickers, beating erratically by his words. “And how so?” I whisper, feeling his breath tickle my lips as he closes the distance between us.
“Because loving you, knowing I can never touch you… will be my forever hell.”
My bottom lip drops, eyes falling to the spot against his neck where his veins bulge. As if he is fighting every urge inside him not to place his lips on mine.
Damn it, I am fighting it too.
I cannot kill the man I love.
But I hate him.
I hate him.
Everything inside me mourns the relationship I once knew between us. The lies. Him hiding the truth of Alice from me, the truth of him being around me only to kill me. I wonder if it’s all too much.
He tilts his head, toying with the thought of finally tasting my lips, but only tormenting himself. Fighting himself. His mouthparts as he deeply breathes out. “Sometimes I wish you’d forever hate me,despise me, for what I have done, so one day you can put me out of my misery.”
“Koen,” I breathe out, closing my eyes.
The mattress lifts, and I feel himself pull away even if everything inside me screams for him to stay. My body shifts forward with him, just to have his scent linger around me for a few seconds longer. Then the sounds of his boots beat against the floor before the door shuts. My heart jumps at the sound. My eyes open, allowing a tear to escape.
But just one.
No more. I fear one day, I might dry out and there will be nothing left inside me.
Chapter 40
“The fifth horse was meant for the destruction of the lands.” - Book of Azure
THE FIERY RED DRESS CURVES around my frame as I slip it on.
My heart is still beating at a deadly rate from the words of what Koen spoke earlier. How foolish can he be?
If Lykia caught us, my throat would have been constricted within seconds. Unsure if this time she would stop. I doubt Koen could prevent her from killing me.
He’s deranged if he thinks I am stronger than her.
The knots in my stomach flutter endlessly at the thought of his lips close to mine.
