“Because everytime I remember it…” His hands run through his curls before falling down to his chin. “It rips my heart out over and over and over again. Just with the thought of seeing you lifeless on the ground. Just with the thought of the last bit of good that was once inside of me, the remaining few pieces clenching onto any strand of light just to have the slight chance to be good enough for you, only to have it completely ripped from my chest. I have just a flicker of the light that the Gods gave us left inside my heart. Without that light, I am nothing more than a monster lurking in the damn night.”
I catch his jaw clenching, avoiding the tears that fall down my face.
“So you push me away.”
“I keep you away!” He strides towards me, hand covering his heart. “Because only darkness is inside me now. And you have always feared the dark.”
“I don’t fear you. But right now, everything inside mewants you dead. My heart is broken.” I rub my nose, sniffing uncontrollably. “I loved you with all my heart, and despite everything, I fear I still do. But all you've done is hurt me, again and again."
“Good.” He deeply sighs. I look his way, watching his emerald eyes glisten with tears. “I need you to hate me. I want you to hate me. You are right, I have nothing inside of me that can protect you… only hurt you. I could kill you, and I cannot control any of it. Use this hatred for me and undo every bad thing I have done.”
With my trembling hand, I whip my tears away, sucking in deep breaths as I lift my chin high. I take the leather gloves, slipping them on violently as I stare into the eyes of Koen. He’s hurt. It's written all over his face.
I need him to hurt.
He needs to feel the pain I feel.
“You're damn right I will. After this, you will never look my way. You will never speak to me again,” I say through clenched teeth. “The next time I see you, I will take your soul and send it to the Gods for them to decide where you shall rest.”
“I deserve that.” His nostrils flare. “We were never meant to love. You know that, right?”
I choke on air, holding in the sniffles that want to release. My eyes burn. My heart aches.
“I remember that night you died. I remember dying for you. The Gods have punished us for loving each other, and they are still punishing us now.” Koen’s voice drops to a trembling whisper. “We are no good for each other. We are like fire and ice, whenever together… one must die.”
My breath shakes as I inhale, wiping the tears that are falling down my face.
“This will be my last gift for you, training you to survive the Fireninze, then after that… we are dead to one another. Just as we both died that night.” He lifts his chin, eyes glistening. “We only destroy one another. Stay as far away from me as possible.”
My chin rises, forcing back my tears. “Done. Easy.”
“Good.” He shifts his body. “Now train hard, listen to what I have to say, or you die out there. And I won’t be able to stop it. No matter how much I want to protect you… I don’t know if the Gods will allow it this time.”
Chapter 36
“The pendants, three are created, matching the first ever three huntresses that were born from the flame of the God of Fire.” - Book of Azure
I PULL MY MIDNIGHT HAIR back tightly, slicking it into a high bun. The leather of my gloves snags on a few strands, which agitates the shit out of me.
“Now you pull your hair up as I leave?” Koen teases, leaning against the stone wall with his arms crossed. A sweat bead falls from his head, down to his chin and I force my eyes away.
His body pulls away as he casually walks my way while I pull upward on my gloves. He pauses as soon as he stands beside me and my teeth grind, eyes staring at the ground while I tighten my belt.
“Now the Realms can see your beauty out there today.” He pulls closer to me, whispering against my ear and my eyes stay wide, glued to the ground.
“Go,” I snarl, pulling my lips together between my teeth.
He reaches out, his hand grabbing mine as the leather rubs against my skin. My nostrils flare with his touch. My heart feels as if a thousand daggers are slicing through it.
“Never let them see your weakness,” he says.
I rip my gaze away from the ground to meet his. “I have no weakness.”
A tick in his jaw highlights the tension in his body. His hand lets go, and he walks away. My lips part as I let out a shaky breath.
I let out a scream, ripping the gloves off of my hands and slamming them to the ground. My knees meet the gravel, kicking up the rust dirt as I stare at the sky.
I hate him.I hate him.
