33
Reid bought a tent at the local gear store, and I made him get a decent mattress too. I feel guilty sleeping inside when he has to brave the elements, but it’s October, so the desert sun isn’t quite as brutal. I genuinely don’t think I can handle sleeping next to him right now.
My head is already full of worries—I can’t throw in barely restrained lust on top of them, so in the tent he goes.
He doesn’t seem to mind. Our spot is secluded, overlooking the sandstone peaks. It’s far enough away from the event that I can hear myself think.
We spent the day yesterday setting up camp and getting acclimated to how much water we need to drink out here. I hope it starts cooling off as we enter fall, even though I’m pretty sure ‘cool’ is a foreign concept in Southern Utah. Reid takes it upon himself to set up a new faux patio. This one puts the first to shame, a sweeping canopy with two folding chairs and a plush rug. We have our own little oasis in the middle of the desert.
After we get settled, Reid asks, “Wanna go for a hike?”
I’m surprised by how quickly I agree. “Yeah. I’d love that.”And I really would. It’ll be nice to enjoy nature without so much danger.
Scratch that. He decides we should take on Angel’s Landing.
It’s the most dangerous hike here, and apparently you need a permit to even hike it. Reid assures me he already has a permit ready to go. I’m skeptical.
Reid maneuvers Willa through the park entrance and sure enough, he has the QR code ready on his phone. The shock is evident on my face. He’s feigning offense. “What? You didn’t trust me?”
I throw my hands up in defense. “To be fair, you’ve never been a planner.”
“People can change.” He smiles at me with a softness I’ve never seen—like he wants to impress me.
The first section of the trail is full of grueling switchbacks—I’m huffing and puffing my way up. To my relief, it hasn’t been scary so far.
That relief doesn’t last long. We reach a fork in the trail, and Reid urges me on. “We’re going to the right.”
Surely he cannot be correct. To the right is a bunch of chains attached to a vertical slab of red rock. “Ummmm, it’s gotta be left.”
He suppresses a laugh. “Nope. To the right. You use the chain to pull yourself up.”
At first, he makes me lead so he can ‘catch’ me if needed. I can’t stop thinking about my ass bouncing in his face though, so I force him to swap with me.
But now his ass is bouncing in my face, and I’m not sure that’s any better. I catch Reid limping a few times. He still hasn’t admitted to me that he’s having issues with his knee again. Hopefully he hasn’t done any permanent damage. I almost say something, but I don’t want to ruin the moment.
As we climb, my fear dissipates. The sandstone lures me intoa feigned sense of security, and the weight of the metal chain keeps me tethered in more ways than one. This hike is providing the right amount of fear—keeping me focused on the present without absolutely terrifying me.
We crest over the final ridge, and the entire valley opens up beneath us. This view is beyond worth it, reminding me how small I am, just like I need it to. My performance doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things.
I made it here. Now I just have to make it home alive and I can call the day a success.
A steady sense of calm washes over me as we sit above the valley. We’re feasting on peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, and it’s perfect. I’m smiling back at Reid as he scrambles. “Don’t move.”
He snaps a picture, and I don’t even ask to see it. I won’t need anything to remember this moment.
I’m dead tired,and I know there’s no changing it. All week we’ve been perched on a cliffside planning out how to build a trail. Mind you, I’ve never built a trail in my life.
This part of Red Bull isn’t discussed nearly enough, because this shit is hard—really fucking hard. My hands are covered in blisters from gripping a janky shovel harder than I should, as if it’s going to run away from me.
Reid and my other trail guy are doing most of the work, so I don’t have the room to complain. I stand chewing on my bottom lip until it starts to taste like metal while I watch them pound the dirt into submission.
Maybe they chose Utah to host Red Bull because of the red dirt—it hides the blood better. This cliff side is a vindictive bitch, and she’s pissed we’re trying to control her.
Reid is focused on building something that will show off my skill. He wants to go big, but the other guy on my dig team keeps reminding him we only have five days to build. Somehow, coming up with names for the features is the hardest part. I keep looking at them and thinking about how the fuck I’m going to make it down this alive. How am I supposed to name something that might be my ruin?
I’m a trailblazer in women’s riding, and that’s not a platitude, it’s just true. Women have only been allowed in this competition once before. I’m not only doing this for me. I’m doing it for every little girl out there who has been told she’s ‘just a girl’.
That’s bullshit, and I’m determined to prove it, even if I am fucking terrified.
