Once they’re leaned up against the side of the van, I turn on the shower and breathe in the crisp night air while it warms up. The water pressure is weak, like everything in a camper van—it barely works.
Sometimes I wonder why I keep living this vagabond life. It’s romanticized online, but sometimes it really fucking sucks. There never seems to be enough air in here, and the air I do get is stale—always smelling like whatever I had for dinner the previous day.
I step out from under the stream and fall into the toilet which doubles as my makeup counter when it’s not in use. My toe is fucking throbbing, and I’m tempted to go for a walk in the dark to give my feelings enough space to breathe.
This tiny ass van can’t fit them all.
Nighttime walks were a habit of mine back at Sterling Summits. Something about the soft glow of patio lights and my melancholic music always soothed me. It’s safe there—at least relatively. We have around the clock staff and security, but Reid caught me quite a few times. At first, he wouldusher me back inside promptly, fearing what my dad might say.
Slowly, he eased up and joined me. We wouldn’t say anything—basking in his presence was enough for me. In high school, we discovered a back stairwell which led to the roof. Some of my favorite nights happened up on that roof.
Lit up by the stars, we’d dangle our feet off the side of the main house until the early hours of the morning. I make a mental note to go up there for sunrise once we get home. If I’m brave, I’ll invite Reid to join.
I don’t have the luxury of a night time stroll out here, though. Reid would murder me if he found out.
He’s protective that way, and I love him for it, even if it annoys the shit out of me. I could probably knock on his door and ask him to join me, but I’m far too anxious. What if he has some trail bunny in there with him? I probably would have heard a car pull up, but maybe not. It’s unlikely, but possible. Maybe he spent his evening swiping away on Tinder.
I don’t need to see that.
Seeing steamed windows and hearing soft creaks? I already know I’ll never be with him in that way, but it’s a whole other thing to have to witness it. It’s painful enough to listen to him recount all of his hook-ups to his bros at the track.
My toe is still throbbing as I hobble to my dresser. Well, it’s not actually a dresser. It’s more of a bin, but I call it a dresser to feel better about myself and my living arrangements. I find a matching set of underwear and pull it over my sore thighs.
I catch a glimpse of myself in the window of my van. It’s slightly foggy from my shower, and I realize I forgot to close the blinds all the way. I don’t see the issue since there’s no one out here. We always camp off grid, unlike most of the racers who get hotels near the track or camp onsite.
Growing up in Sterling Summits instilled a love of peace andquiet in Reid and I. I don’t really give a shit if a bear catches a peek of my body, but Reid would freak if he found me changing with the shades open. He’s always saying, “You never know, Blondie. People can be creeps.”
That nickname is starting to grow on me—I pretend to get mad so he doesn’t notice my blushing cheeks every time he says it. The satisfaction would go to his head.
I’m still standing here in my lace panties wondering why I ever bought them. They’re pretty fucking uncomfortable, and no one is ever going to see me like this. I look ridiculous. I’m trying to be some kind of sensual girl that’s confident in her body even though I’m anything but.
It feels like a costume—made for someone else but not for me. Putting in effort and seeing it fall so painfully flat is embarrassing.
There’s a knock at the passenger door of the van. A sudden flash of anxiety runs through me. Was Reid right? Is there a chance some fucking creeper out there is watching me?
Now I wish I had more clothes on.
My favorite flannel covers my shoulders since it’s massive and well worn, but it barely grazes the top of my thighs. I grab my mace and pocket knife just in case, and then I’m ready—I’ve always wanted an opportunity to put these to the test.
I clear my throat in case I need to scream for Reid. Sure, I might not be able to trust him with my heart, but I know I can trust him with my safety. He always comes when I call, even if it’s only for a scrape or bruise. I’m reminded of how shitty I feel about abandoning him at the last competition. He fell flat on his face, while I was off getting a massage like my pretentious sister would.
I swing the door open hard, hoping maybe the impact will knock the intruder out of the way. I’m in a lunge, a fighter’s stance, and I’m ready to defend myself if I have to.
“Dammit, Addie!”
Reid is holding his nose, a steady stream of blood trickling down his face. Fuck, hejustbroke his nose in Whistler. It’s barely had time to heal, and I just hit it with a metal door. “Oh shit. I’m sorry. I thought you were a creeper.”
He’s laughing as he dabs the blood with the edge of his shirt. “You told me to knock, so I did.”
“Okay maybe you should text in the future.” I cover my laugh.
“Anything for you, Addie.” He’s batting his thick eyelashes dramatically as he pushes past me and lets himself into my van. The night air is still sticky, as if a storm is coming soon but it’s holding its breath waiting for the right moment. It’s hanging onto my skin, an unwelcome blanket of moisture making me crave yet another shower.
I follow behind Reid into Willa and notice he’s carrying a pillow.
Reid pleads with his eyes. “Can I sleep in here?”
I tug the flannel down to cover more of my thighs, but it rides back up as soon as I open my mouth to reply. “You can sleep inyourvan.”
