I’m smiling foolishly, and I can’t help it. Riley is staring at me, and she probably has been for a while. A hot blush creeps up my cheeks, and I do my best to blame it on the alcohol. I’m sheepish as I ask, “What?”
I know exactly what, but it doesn’t hurt to try and feign innocence.
She gives me a look. “Come on, Ad.”
I am not having this conversation today. I’ve never explicitly told Riley about my crush, but she knows. She makes it incredibly obvious that she knows—constantly trying to get me to talk about it. I shut it down every time, and sheusuallydrops it. I’m hoping that trend continues tonight.
I’m pretty sure everyone knows except for Reid. At least I hope he doesn’t know…that would be mortifying.
Riley looks exasperated. I get it, I’m exasperated too—I wish I could get rid of this crush, but I just can’t, and I don’t know if I ever will.
“You have to take a chance and tell him. You can’t let the fear of him saying no keep you from finding out if he’ll say yes.”
“It’s not that easy.”
She pulls me into a side hug. “It kind of is, babe.”
It’s really not, but I don’t want to argue with her anymore, and Reid is making his way over here. Part of me figured we might not see him again tonight, that a sexy cowgirl would sweep him away after that performance and he’d sneak his way into a real bed tonight too.
He comes back, and I find it in me to give him a high five. I start to take off his flannel to give it back to him, but Reid stops me and pushes the sleeve back up on my arm.
“Keep it. You look cold.”
Reid is awfully concerned about me being cold tonight. More people line up to ride the bull, but I sure as hell won’t be one of them. I swear I see Kai in line for it, and that shocks me. It’s hard to picture the peaceful ‘go where the river goes’ guy from earlier riding a bull.
The three of us go back to our table, but it’s taken. We find a corner booth and squeeze in together. This will be the first time we have had alone time together in awhile.
All of us used to see each other at the resort at least once a year. But as we’ve gotten older, we see each other less and less. Lately I’ve been seeing Riley on my own. I can’t remember the last time that the three of us were together.
I love them both, but they’ve never quite connected. They’re so similar that they clash. Right now they’re doing a good job, but I’m sure they’re only trying for me. They both know how worried I am about this downhill season and how little faith I have in myself to make it.
Often I wonder if they understand my anxiety so well because they have the same fears that I do. That I’m not cut out for mountain biking, and I never will be. That I’ll hesitate on a jump and crack my skull open. That my parents are right and I’m molding myself into a ‘dirty hippie’ just to piss them off.
How do they know my fears without me sharing them, if they don’t also think those things about me? Their kind words help, but I’m sick of requiring them. They’re being gentle with me—dimming their own brightness to make my darkness more palatable. I hate it.
Tonight I’m feeling bright, maybe not bright enough to hop on a bull, but bright enough to giggle with my friends in the corner of a cheesy bar.
I wish I could bottle this up and sip on it when I’m feeling down.
We don’t leave the bar until after midnight. It’s way past my bedtime, but I’m loving every minute of tonight. I packed achange of clothes and put it in the back of Reid’s van before we left. We stumble outside, and Reid grabs my bag for me. He even goes so far as to throw it in Riley’s rental car.
I start to take off his flannel once again, even though I don’t want to part with it.
As soon as the warm fabric is gone, goosebumps spread across my arms. Reid hands it back to me. “Put that back on little lady.”
His country accent is pitiful, but it forces a girlish giggle out of me. I cover my laughter with my hand, and he pulls it down from my face. He holds onto my hand for a moment. “I’ll cya tomorrow, Blondie.”
That ridiculous nickname actually sounds kinda cute this time, with his fake accent.
I must stop reading these romance books. They’re fucking with my head—making me believe that one lingering glance means something, when logically I know it never could.
Riley barely had a sip of alcohol all night long, so she drives us to the hotel. Usually I’m the responsible one who makes sure everyone gets home safe, but it’s a relief to be taken care of for once, even if I do feel guilty about it.
The heated seats feel heavenly, and I slump against them, taking in my first true inhale of the night. I’m always holding my breath a bit around Reid—unable to fully let go for fear of my feelings slipping out. I don’t have to worry about that in front of Riley.
She cranks the music as soon as she sits down. It’s a light acoustic tune, as it usually is with her. It relaxes me. The air is chilly for a summer night, but I still find myself wishing we had the windows down. We’re pulling into the hotel parking lot before I know it.
It’s luxurious—lots of the hotels in downtown Jackson are. It’s one of the richest towns in the U.S. despite being in themiddle of nowhere and surrounded by cattle. As soon as we walk in, a young man takes our bags, even though I’m sure typical check-in protocols ended hours ago.
