“Fine, fine. I’ll stop bothering you now. But it can’t just be you and me forever, Lyric. You deserve all the love and joy this world has to offer. Don’t hide from it.” With that, Grammy gets up, pats my head, and goes back to her room. I hear the TV snap on. A sex-positive breakfast talk with my grandma was not on my bingo card for this day. But before I have too long to sit with what just occurred, I look at the clock and see I’ve got forty-five minutes to get out the door to school. I finish my toast quickly and make sure Grammy is all set for her day. Then I rush through my routine: I pick a classic but simple black turtleneck and jeans outfit, add my Docs, and then throw on some foundation, a winged eyeliner, mascara, and a matte vampy purple lip. I need an armored-up look today—and bold lips always make me feel like I’ve got an extra layer of protection against bullshit and self-doubt. I’m feeling all raw after my outburst last night and I would never admit it to Grammy or Kiana, but something about Juniper throws me off my game a bit. I need to figure out fast if this whole business arrangement is worth it, because if not, I need to keep doing what I do best—keep it pushing, alone. I snap a quick selfie of myself snarl-smiling, post it on BeautyStarz with the caption:Let’s fuck up the day, beauties.Then I yell bye to Grammy and stomp my way out to the car.
At lunch, I walk into the cafeteria to find Kiana talking to Juniper as she stands awkwardly over our table with her lunch box.Shit, I whisper. I was so dejected after the ice rink fiasco that I didn’t even text Kiana about what happened. I hurry over to save Juniper from the nosy clutches of my BFF—and Jamison, who is sitting next to Kiana with a curious smirk on his face.
“What’s going on?” I say, trying to keep my voice steady as I slide up next to Juniper.
“Well,” Kiana starts, a little gleam in her eyes. “We saw Juniper headed to sit with some of her cross-country friends, and invited her to sit with us instead. I figured we’d better get to know one another, now that the two of you are… friends.”
The way Kiana saysfriendsmakes it abundantly clear she still thinks there’s romantic potential between Juniper and me. Jamison, on the other hand, looks at me with a furrowed brow, like he’s trying to put together a puzzle.
Juniper stands stiffly next to me and shrugs her shoulders. “I told them I wasn’t sure you’d want me at your lunch table… after yesterday’s—”
I laugh loudly and pat Juniper on the back before she can say any more. “Of course you can sit with us. I’m good.”
“Really?” Juniper says.
“Really,” I say with a gritted-teeth smile. “You’re welcome anytime. And please stop harassing my new friend,” I continue, sitting down next to Juniper and giving Kiana a sharp look. “Ki, you are not cute or subtle. Stop reading into this. Juniper and I are just friends—except on BeautyStarz, were we might be portraying a fake but whirlwind holiday romance.”
I say this last part in a syrupy-sweet voice, and then flutter my eyes and pretend gag. “You know I don’t do relationships,” I say. “No time, not worth it.”
I take a bite of a chicken finger as I finish this thought, and chew hard.
Jamison clears his throat and stands up abruptly. “Uh—I gotta check in with Coach Simon before the bell,” he says, not looking at me anymore. “Catch you guys later. Juniper—we should, uh, run together sometime, get in some extra training outside of practice, if you want.”
“Yeah, that would be great,” Juniper says with a small smile.
“OK, lemme AirDrop you my number,” Jamison says, pulling out his phone.
“Got it,” Juniper says, “I’ll hit you up this weekend.”
“Bet. Alright, later,” Jamison says to the rest of us as he walks away. Not sure how I feel about my ex and Juniper hanging out, but I guess it makes sense for them to train together if they’re on the same team, and plus it’s not like I’m jealous—or—
I’m lost in my thoughts until Kiana kicks my shoe under the table.
“Lyric!”
“Ow! What?!”
“That was cold.”
“What was?”
“What you said about not doing relationships—in front of YOU-KNOW-WHO.”
“Are we not allowed to say his name?” Juniper asks innocently. “Jamison, right? That’s who you mean?”
“Yes, Jamison.” Kiana sighs.
“Oh my god, Jamison is fine,” I say. “He’s moved on and appears to be happy. I don’t think fake dating someone and focusing on my career affects him at all.”
“I’m just saying,” Kiana continues, “maybe at least acknowledge that y’all have a history. Even if he has moved on, the boy’s gotta have feelings.”
I try not to roll my eyes, because once again Kiana doesn’t seem to get that this is just how me and Jamison are, and have always been: casual friends with benefits, nothing more. “OK, fine. I’ll try harder next time to consider his feelings, but I promise you, he doesn’t care.”
Kiana takes a long gulp of her pop, and then shakes her head. “Anyways,” she continues, “I was just about to ask Juniper here how ice-skating was last night. Did you get some good content?”
“Uh, well—” Juniper’s eyes are on me now, and I can tell by her hesitation she’s still freaked out about my rage burst at the rink.
“No, not really,” I say, just to get it over with. “But we will.”
