“What, no. This is not my scene at all. Just a way to pay the bills,” I say.
“Well, you have this whole unfriendly yet efficient vibe when you’re at the registers, and you got through that line like it was nothing.”
“I guess I do like seeing that line disappear.”
Juniper grins. “Anyway, I had fun last week—at the dance and stuff. It’s nice to have, uh, friends here, you know? We are friends—right?”
“Yeah, of course,” I say, looking down into my cup. “Totally. I had fun too. Also—”
I reach for my phone and open Cash App. “The Stella’s sponsorship funds came through. I just sent you your half.”
Juniper pulls out her phone and then whistles. “Wow. I still can’tbelieve how much we are pulling in. Thanks. This will help. I’m looking into different portable toilets for my car, and a power station.”
I scrunch up my nose. “So, you’re going to shit in your car?”
“Not in it!” Juniper laughs. “It’s a little potty, with a tank that can be dumped and refilled.“
“Oh, no, but then you have to be dumping and cleaning it. Like a chamber pot? Ew.”
Juniper throws up her hands. “Fine, yeah. I see your point. But it’s either that or be at the mercy of rest stops, small-town gas stations, and campgrounds.”
“Couldn’t be me, but I admire your commitment. What do your moms think?”
Juniper goes quiet at this and shifts in her seat. “Uh, I haven’t exactly told them yet.”
I raise my eyebrow again. “Um, so how are you hiding all this gear you keep ordering?’
“It’s been pretty easy. I mean, it’s Christmas. This time of year, secret packages arrive and nobody really snoops too hard or they might ruin a surprise.”
“Right. That makes sense. So—you and your moms do gifts and everything?”
“Yeah, of course! Don’t you?”
“Only small items. Things we need, mostly. I don’t need random stuff. We just make ourselves a nice meal and call it a day.”
Juniper is silent. And then we both start talking at the same time.
Me: “Anyway—do you think your moms will freak—about your van-life plan?”
Her: “So, look, the whole Jamison and punching a locker moment… Are you OK?”
We laugh awkwardly.
“You first,” I say. Still needing time to mull over her question, and work on breathing through the instant anxiety I feel about having to process my outburst at the dance.
Juniper stalls for a moment, taking another swig of her drink. “Yeah. They will. I mean—they really want me to go to college. But I need a break from school. Taking this year off feels really important, but I don’t think they’re going to understand. I mean—my mom’s a college professor. Going to college is mandatory in her mind.”
I nod. “Well, I can’t say I fully understand the urge to live in your car willingly. But I like that you have a vision and plan. I feel like there’s so much pressure on college, but for some of us, it’s just not the best option or even the only option. I get that.”
“Yeah, thanks. I don’t want to ruin the holiday. I’ll tell them after we get through it.”
I remember the time, and realize my break is almost up. “I have to go back.”
“OK, but wait! You didn’t answer my question.”
“Oh—” I start. “I’m fine now. I’m sorry again. You must think I’m such a mess, but you really did help me cool off. I shouldn’t have let Jamison’s ghosting comment get to me. I just don’t like feeling as if have to explain my choices, my life. Jamison—he and I, we always got along better on a, um, physical level rather than an intellectual or even lifestyle level. I should have just left it, but yeah, anger got the best of me…”
I stop talking and look down again into my near-empty coffee cup.
