We headed to the beach and walked together in silence.The only sounds were the waves rippling against the shore and the birds squawking in the sky.
I considered filling it, but then realised that Jake must be trying to psyche himself up to talk, so thought I’d let him do that at his own pace.
‘Music is…’ He paused for so long I was half expecting him to abandon the conversation altogether.‘Music has always been important to me.It’s not an exaggeration to say that it was my life.It was something I always loved growing up and then when I got into the band, I thought all of my dreams had come true.But it was hell, which is a whole different story.’
‘Okay,’ I nodded, encouraging him to continue.
‘My solo career was better.After the dictatorship of being part of a boyband, where everything we did, including what we wore, what we said, how many hours we were allowed to sleep, what we ate and how often we got to see our family and friends was decided by other people, I knew I needed to do things on my terms, like writing my own songs, which I did.But then everything came crashing down when… something terrible happened and I also discovered that my accountant screwed me over, so financially I was fucked.’
‘Shit.’ My eyes widened with shock.
‘With everything that was going on, the last thing I could think about was making music.Eventually my label dropped me which didn’t help with the debts that were stacking up.Oh, and on top of that, my girlfriend sold stories to the tabloids.Now I can’t even listen to music, let alone write it, so the thought of making playlists is pretty much my idea of hell.’
Whoa.
I wasn’t expectingthatto be his explanation.That was a lot to unpack.I didn’t even know where to start.Although I wanted to know more, especially about what the ‘terrible’ thing was, I realised that if he’d wanted to go into detail, he would’ve said what it was like he had with the other stuff.
‘Jake… I’m… I’m so sorry.That’s horrendous.Just dealing with one of those things would be a lot, but all of them together?It’s a miracle that you’re still able to function.’
‘Yep.Sometimes I can’t even do it at all.’
‘I’m not surprised.I’m sorry I hassled you about the playlists.’
‘You didn’t know.I saw the songs you sent through, which I appreciated.I just didn’t play them.And I couldn’t make my own.’
‘I’ll stop sending you mine.I didn’t realise it would be triggering for you.Is that why…’ I paused, wondering whether or not I should ask the question that I wanted to.
‘Is that why, what?’ He looked at me.
‘On the coach… is that why you were anxious when they played your song?’
Jake’s face fell and I instantly regretted bringing it up.
‘Partly.But mainly because I wrote that for someone who broke my heart.So every time I hear it, it reminds me of how fucking stupid I was.’
‘Was it the same woman who you just said sold stories on you?’
‘Yep.I started seeing personal stuff turning up in the press.At first it was little things that maybe multiple people in my circle might know, so it wasn’t immediately obvious that it was her.But then I noticed that the paps always knew where we’d be.And even if we were going somewhere low-key, she’d always get dressed up.I mentioned that it was strange, but she’d always say they’d just followed us.’
‘So how did you find out?’
‘I laid a trap.I told her I was going to be somewhere.She was the only person I mentioned it to and sure enough, half an hour later, the paps miraculously showed up.And I made up a story and again and told her that I’d shared it with a few other people in my circle, but I hadn’t – she was the only person I told.’
‘And did it turn up in the press?’
‘Yep.So that’s how I knew for sure.’
‘Shit.I’m so sorry.’
‘Thanks.It hurt, because I really thought she was the real deal.Turned out she was just using me to launch her singing career.She figured the more we got papped together, the more it raised her profile.She was a social climber.Now she’s dating one of the execs from my old record label.’
‘Fuck.’ Seeing the sadness in Jake’s eyes was like a punch in the stomach.
Without even thinking, I threw my arms around him.Just as I was about to pull away, convinced that I’d overstepped, Jake’s arms snaked around my back and he held me tighter.
Every atom in my body came to life.My pulse spiked.My heart raced.My brain scrambled.
There were so many sensations flooding my body I could barely breathe.
