I wasn’t used to getting compliments from a man.
My ex made me feel repulsive.He never wanted to go down on me because he said women smelt ‘down there’ and he’d wrinkle his nose whenever I came back from a run.I didn’t know anyone who wasn’t sweaty after running for miles and I’d always shower afterwards, but Brett made me feel like I was a human stink bomb.
Anyway, so yeah, the roses comment must’ve scrambled my brain.
That and Jake telling me he likedgardening. I used to love doing it with Dad too when we had a house in London.I’d help him out at weekends.There was something so satisfying about seeing an overgrown garden, tackling the weeds, planting new flowers, then seeing the transformation.
Having a garden in New York wasn’t an option.There was barely enough room to swing a cat in my apartment, let alone being lucky enough to have any outdoor space.But I digress… What I was trying to say was there was something about Jake liking gardening and growing his own vegetables that made him… attractive.Well,moreattractive, because the man was clearly already blessed with all the prime pickings from the gene pool.
I was blown away by how supportive he was of my passion for nails, plus there were those glimmers of vulnerability I’d seen.Like when we were on the coach.Holding his hand wasn’t the smartest thing to do, but for some reason he seemed really freaked out and I wanted to help.
I thought I’d overstepped when he pulled away and to be honest, I felt a little rejected.Which was probably why I made those comments about him being more interested in women than flowers, but as soon as I’d said it, I felt bad.I knew first-hand how much things could be twisted and he genuinely seemed to be hurt.
And then later, the roses comment floored me again.
Jake was like a lucky dip: he was full of surprises.
Just when I’d think I’d figured him out, he’d drop something else about his personality that’d blow my perceptions out of the water.He’d taken me through so many different emotions, I felt like I had whiplash.
‘So, er, where are you taking me?’ I said.
‘To the Chinese Gardens.They’re one of my favourites,’ he said and his face lit up.Jake had a nice smile.
Actually,nicedidn’t do it justice.Truthfully, it was pretty spectacular.Blinding.
Ever since he caught me falling off the horse yesterday, I felt like something had shifted.I’d noticed that when he smiled, my stomach did weird things.It was like a swarm of overenthusiastic butterflies were having a table tennis tournament inside it.
That wasn’t good.I needed them to take their energetic fluttering elsewhere.
As soon as we stepped into the gardens, I gasped.I immediately understood why Jake loved it here.
‘Wow.’
‘Pretty special, huh?’ he said as I took in the views of the Chinese plants, pretty pavilions, paths, courtyards and traditional-looking buildings.‘They brought architects over from China to work on it.’
‘It looks amazing!’
‘You haven’t seen anything yet.Come on.’ He grabbed my hand and led me to the lake.
Electricity rocketed through me.Jake was holding my hand.
I should be shocked or repulsed, but somehow it also seemed like the most natural thing in the world.
I dipped my head, taking in the sight of our intertwined fingers.
Did he even realise that he’d taken my hand?
I was probably reading way too much into it.He was just excited to show me, that was all.
Just as Jake was explaining how the gardens were filled with plants and flowers that either represented the seasons (for example, peach blossoms for spring) or human qualities, like purity (lotus) or humility (orchid), I heard our names being called from behind us.We both spun around at the same time and saw Sammie walking towards us.
I looked down at our hands and instantly pulled away.
Just a couple of days ago, I was asking Sammie to find me another match because Jake wasn’t a good fit.And now here I was holding his bloody hand.
Yes, I was getting on much better with him and surprisingly he seemed like a really cool guy.But just because we were sort of friends now, it didn’t mean that I’d changed my mind about him not being serious boyfriend material.
I still needed to find someone who wanted something long-term.I hadn’t paid thousands of dollars to find another friend.
