‘Ex-celebrity,’ I corrected, then shuddered.‘Ugh.I can’t even believe I used the “c” word.I never liked calling myself that – even when my music was successful.And it definitely doesn’t apply to me now.Has-beenis more accurate.’
‘Come on, man.Don’t be so hard on yourself.You’ve got talent.You’ve been successful once and you’ll do it again.’
My stomach twisted.It was nice that he still believed in me.Especially when I didn’t believe in myself.But what I’d said was true.I was a washed-up ex-singer who couldn’t even keep a job in a fast-food joint in LA and was about to be out on the streets if my best friend’s wife got her way.
As much as I wasn’t Cathy’s biggest fan, I couldn’t disagree with her.Ihadoverstayed my welcome.She was right to want to have her apartment back to herself without her husband’s loser of a friend hanging around like a bad smell.
Yep.I’d officially hit rock bottom.
‘Thanks.I’ll be out of your hair in a few weeks.A month, tops,’ I said, plucking random dates out of the air.
‘I appreciate that.’ His shoulders relaxed.‘But only if you find somewhere.I need to know that you’re okay.’
‘I’ll be fine.’ I slapped him on the back affectionately.‘I made you a bagel.’ I pointed to it on the counter.‘Better run.’
‘Thanks!Good luck with the meeting.’
‘Appreciate it.’
I left the kitchen, grabbed my jacket, then caught the bus to Wilma’s office.
‘Jakey boy!’ Wilma said when I stepped into her office then sat down.
I hated when she called me that.Wilma was only in her mid-fifties, but it made her sound like she was an old lady talking to a child.Her bleached blonde hair was slicked back and her bright pink lipstick stood out against her tanned skin.
On the plus side, she sounded more upbeat than usual and after my chat with Roger earlier, I hoped that meant she had good news.
‘Hey.’
‘So.’ She leant forward.‘I called you in because one of the great opportunities I put you forward for a few months back has just been confirmed.’
‘Yeah?’ I sat up straighter.This sounded promising.I knew she’d put me forward to judge some TV reality singing contest and although I wasn’t keen on those shows, I was desperate, so I’d do it in a heartbeat.
At least I’d be able to guide the kids and hopefully help them from getting sucked in and spat out of the industry like I had.
‘Yeah!You’ve got a place at the Love Hotel!’
‘Huh?’ I frowned.I remembered filling out the dumb application in her office a few months ago because she told me they were looking for ‘stars’ who were single.At the time I thought it was weird because it had nothing to do with music, but I’d gone along with it because I had bigger things on my mind to think about.Like the fact that I’d just had to sell my home and had nowhere to go.
‘The Love Hotel,’ she repeated.‘It’s opening soon and they’ve invited you to be one of their first celebrity guests.The buzz around it is crazy.Forget the elite dating apps.Thisis the hottest place to be for singles!’
‘How will staying in a hotel for single people get me out of my situation and help me make music again?’ My frown deepened.
‘It’s all aboutexposure. We need to reinvent your image.No one wants you right now.I’ve tried every reality show under the sun and no one’s biting.’
I wasn’t sorry about that.The idea of appearing on one made my skin crawl.But I wasn’t gonna lie.The fact thattheydidn’t even thinkIwas worth inviting stung a little.Things must be even worse than I thought.
‘Maybe if you hadn’t persuaded me to do that stupid BUTT-RRR advert, my career wouldn’t be in the toilet right now.’
‘It was supposed to be cool!’
‘Well, it wasn’t.If I had a cent for every time someone sung it to me when I walked down the street, my money troubles would be over.’
About eight months ago, she’d persuaded me to appear in an ad for a new brand called BUTT-RRR where I sung cringey lines like ‘I want to spread you like butter on my warm toast’, whilst thrusting my hips back and forth.
It went viral for all the wrong reasons and unsurprisingly, it got banned.The critics had a field day, citing it as a prime example of just how far I’d fallen.
‘That’s because the jingle was catchy!’
