My first instinct was to push him away, wipe my mouth and run for the hills, but I didn’t want to be cruel.Maybe he just needed time to warm up.
But as the kiss continued, I felt like I was being sucked into a cyclone.He was slobbering all over me like an overenthusiastic dog.
Just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse, he burped.
Yep.Mid-snog.
As the taste of raw onions and stale beer flooded my mouth and invaded my nostrils, I fought the urge not to gag.
I’d tried, but I just couldn’t do it.
I jerked away, desperate to run to the bathroom and guzzle a pint of industrial-strength mouthwash.
‘Best kiss you’ve ever had, right?’ Bar Bro said proudly, a satisfied grin plastered over his face.
‘I… I have to go,’ I said before sprinting inside the bar and straight over to Vanessa.‘We need to go.Rightnow!’
‘What?’ Vanessa said.I gestured with my eyes to the door where Bar Bro was walking in.‘Oh… okay.’ She grabbed her stuff.Once we were safely inside a yellow taxi, I breathed out a sigh of relief.
‘Remind me never to attempt to pick up a random guy again,’ I said, thinking that going to the Love Hotel was looking even more appealing.
Obviously, they wouldn’t vet guests for their kissing or dirty talk skills (imagine if someone had that job!), but the calibre of men had to be better than that guy.I’d contact them again first thing on Monday to see if they had an update.
Vanessa was right.It was time for me to get back on the horse.But I wanted to find someone decent.Picking up strangers wasn’t my thing.Neither were dating apps.Getting the professionals to weed out all the weirdos was the best way forward.It was time for a fresh start.
‘I take it from the way we ran off like murderers fleeing a crime scene, your experience with Bar Bro wasn’t good?’
‘That’s an understatement!Forget calling him Bar Bro.I’ve renamed himBurp Bro. That was the most traumatic first kiss of my life.And considering my first boyfriend’s tongue almost got stuck in my braces, that’s saying something.’
When I told Vanessa what happened, she winced.
‘That’s gross!Sorry, babe.I wish I could say that your bad dating experiences were over, but… What the fuck?’ Vanessa’s jaw suddenly dropped.
‘What’s up?’
‘I’ve got good news and bad news.’ She sighed as she looked down at my phone.With everything that had happened, I’d forgotten that I’d given it to her.
‘Yeah?’
‘So… the good news is that you had a place at the Love Hotel in California.’
‘Oh my God!’ I squealed, causing the cab driver to jump.‘That’s amazing.I was happy to go before, but thanks to Burp Bro, I’m ecstatic!I know how hard it is to get a place there, so I realise how lucky I am.I’m ready, Vanessa!I’m gonna take my dating life more seriously.I was just thinking that I’d email them on Monday morning to follow up.I’m so glad that now I don’t have to!’
Talk about great timing.This was brilliant news.
‘I mean, I know it’s in California, which isn’t ideal, especially if it’s anywhere near LA or Beverly Hills,’ I continued rambling.I used to always want to go there.But I’d avoided it like the plague, because it was where my ex was.‘But it’ll be fine.Hard, definitely, but fine.Wait…’ I frowned again.‘Why aren’t you excited?’ Considering she encouraged me to apply and paid the massive deposit, I thought she’d be relieved that it wouldn’t go to waste.‘Hold on.You said that there was bad news.Is the bad part the fact that it’s near Brett’s house or something?’
‘No,’ Vanessa said solemnly and took a deep breath.‘The good news is that youhada place.’
‘You meanhave, right?’
Vanessa shook her head.
‘Youhada place, but to secure it, you were supposed to confirm and pay the balance: last week.’
‘Wait, what?’ My brain scrambled.
‘They sent the original email weeks ago, Halle.You said you checked a few days ago!’
