Now that I thought about it, I’d overreacted about the scene we’d been given.Clearly I was no Meg Ryan but if I tried, I reckoned I could ace it.God knows I’d had to do it enough times.The men I’d been with couldn’t find my clit if I gave them a map, compassandsat nav.
‘We’d better rehearse,’ Jake said.‘If I have to try to convince a bunch of strangers that I don’t know how to make a woman come, it’s gonna take a lot of work!’ A mischievous grin spread across his face.
‘Jesus.’ I shook my head like a disappointed parent.The ego on this guy.‘I reckon you’ll be a natural.And I’m sure there’s thousands of dissatisfied women you’ve slept with all around the world who’d back me up on that.’
‘Dream on, Smiley.Let’s get to work.’
‘No need,’ I said, thinking if he wanted to play confident, that I could too.‘Thanks to my lacklustre experiences with big-headed guys like you, I don’t even need to rehearse how to fake an orgasm.I’ve got this.’
11
JAKE
‘Oh, God, right there, yes, yes,yesssss!’ Halle cried out as she raked her fingers through her hair, before tipping her head back and groaning loudly just like Meg Ryan’s character did inWhen Harry Met Sally.
As I sat opposite her and watched the Oscar-worthy performance, even I had to admit that she was scarily convincing.
Especially when she started banging her hands on the table for dramatic effect.
‘I’ll have what she’s having!’ Sammie laughed, quoting the line from the same scene.The rest of the group erupted into fits of giggles.‘That was excellent!Well done, you two!’
‘I just have to add that Halle is clearly an excellent actress and her performance in no way reflects my bedroom skills, because no woman has ever had to fake it with me,’ I grinned.
‘Damn straight!’ another guy called out from the audience.
‘Yeah, yeah!Keep telling yourself that, guys, if it makes you feel better,’ countered the redhead.
‘Now, now,’ Sammie smiled.‘I’m sure thateveryonein this group is fully committed to delivering mutual satisfaction.And if you have the chance to get intimate with your match in the future, may youallenjoy a thoroughly, completely, earth-shatteringly satisfying happy ending!’
‘Hear, hear!’ two women chorused.
‘So Halle and Jake, now you’ve done your performances, I need you to tell the rest of the group a bit about your match.Sorry, I should’ve got you to introduce yourselves first.Can you tell that I’m new here?’ Sammie joked.
‘You’re doing great,’ Halle said reassuringly.‘Well, I’m sure most of you know this guy already, but just in case you don’t, this is Jake.So, three things about him: he’s a successful musician and as well as being a hopeless romantic, he likes taking photos,’ she said into the mic before moving it away from her mouth and muttering ‘and he loves himself’ at a volume that only I could hear.
I looked at her and flashed a fake smile.Halle handed me the mic.
‘Thank you,’ I said.Her intro was surprisingly complimentary, even if it was still inaccurate.‘Hey there, everyone.So this is Halle and as well as being a big fan of romcoms, she makes a mean green juice and she loves to smile – especially whenever she sees me.’ I grinned and right on cue, Halle shot me an unimpressed look.
‘Oooh!That’s what we like to hear,’ Sammie said, her eyes flicking to Halle as if she wasn’t completely convinced that what I’d said was true.‘Wonderful performance and intros, guys, thank you.Dwayne and Miley, you’re up next.’
Halle stormed back to her seat and I followed.I could tell she was pissed off.
Once the other couples performed various scenes includingSleepless in Seattle,You’ve Got MailandThe Holiday, Sammie said she needed a moment to decide on a winner so said we could take a break for half an hour.
Halle immediately pulled out her cell, which reminded me that I needed to take more photos.
This morning, I’d gone to breakfast expecting to see Halle there, but when Sammie told me she hadn’t arrived yet, I thought I’d make the most of my time and take some photos before Wilma started busting my balls again.
I felt like a fucking idiot, posing on my own in front of the pool, then the beach taking selfies, then making the corny video Wilma had insisted I shoot telling the world that I’d met the woman of my dreams and to ‘stay tuned’ for more details and to follow our ‘love story’.Just hearing myself repeat those words made me want to barf.
Seemed like Halle had no interest in chatting, so I pulled out my cell too.
Unsurprisingly, there were messages from Wilma.
Wilma
Great job with the video post.You’ve already got a couple hundred likes.But now that you’ve teased them, you’re gonna need some content with your match.
