‘Wrong on all counts.Once upon a time those observations might’ve been true, but not any more.’ His gaze dropped to the ground.‘Except the romcom one.When I liked them, there was nothing closeted about it.I had no problem telling people I enjoyed watching them.I owned that shit.I’m gonna take this to Sammie.’
As he plucked the piece of paper off the table then strode over to Sammie, shock rolled through me.
When I’d said those things about Jake, I’d expected him to deny them.
Obviously, he wasn’t going to admit that he loved himself.But hearing him say that it might’ve been true ‘once upon a time’ suggested that he didn’t love himself any more.Especially as I noticed there was a sadness in his eyes when he said it, which was swiftly followed by him avoiding my gaze.
And surely he didn’t mean that he wasn’t still a musician?Yeah, it’d been a long time since he’d released any new songs, but you didn’t just stop being a musician when you took some time out.Surely it was in your blood forever?
I knew I shouldn’t care, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t intrigued.I wanted to know why he didn’t make music any more.
He’d said that he used to love romcoms too, but I got the impression that he wasn’t into romance any more.And if that was the case, then I wondered not for the first time what the hell he was doing here, at the Love Hotel.
9
JAKE
As I got off the daybed and walked towards Sammie to give her the piece of paper with our movie quote, I wondered what the fuck was wrong with me.
Halle made a stupid statement about me then all of a sudden, my chest tightened.It was like something she said triggered me.
It wasn’t the romcom stuff.Like I’d said, I used to like them.I found them calming.It was reassuring to know there’d always be a happy ending.
And it wasn’t hard for me to remember the scene inNotting Hillbecause I instantly related to Julia Roberts’s character.I’d lost count of the number of times I just wanted someone to accept me for being me.
Not Jake the rockstar.The celebrity.The Hollywood bad boy.Just the guy from a small town in Kansas who enjoyed having a good time with his friends, like most people.
It sounded corny, but watching that film made me feel seen.Like I wasn’t alone.That one day I’d find my person.But when reality hit and my heart got crushed, there was no way I could keep watching them.
That was one of the reasons I’d stopped writing songs too.What was the point of writing about love when you realised happy endings didn’t really exist?
A lot of writers channelled heartbreak into their music.But for me, even though getting the words onto the page was cathartic, when I tried to sing them, the pain was too much.
And so I stopped.Then when… when something fucking awful happened, I knew there was no way I could.Soon a few months turned into years.I couldn’t blame my label for dropping me.
Which is why Halle’s comment about me being a musician was wrong.She’d used the wrong tense.
I wasn’t a musician.Iusedto be one.All I was now was a washed-up has-been.And that was exactly why her third observation was also incorrect.I sure as shit didn’t love myself right now.Most days I could barely stomach looking at my own reflection.
My cell vibrated in my pocket.
I didn’t even need to look to know that it was Wilma, chasing again for more photos and content.
Yep.My life sucked.
‘Here you go.’ I handed Sammie our quote.
‘Thanks!’ she said as she unfolded the paper.‘Oooh, nice one!Pick a quote from the hat before I put your one in.’
‘What did we get?’ Halle appeared next to me as I rummaged around the hat then plucked out a piece of folded paper.
‘Here.’ I handed it to Halle.‘You do the honours.’
She unravelled the paper excitedly, but when she opened it, her face fell.
‘No way.’ She grimaced.‘Can I choose another one?’
‘Sorry!’ Sammie replied.‘Only one pick per person and most of the others have already been allocated.’
