‘Minnie was my biggest supporter.When I was a kid singing at school or in our local park, she’d come to every performance.She was always the one cheering the loudest.We were really close.So when things really took off, she wanted to come to LA to be with me.At the time, I told her no.So did my parents.We said she needed to focus on her education.She wasn’t happy about it, but eventually agreed.I occasionally used to let her come to some of my gigs with my folks.But by the time my solo career really took off, she’d graduated and as she liked to remind me, there was nothing holding her back.I missed her, so I thought I was doing the right thing by agreeing to let her come here.In hindsight, it was the worst thing I could’ve ever done.’
‘Why?’
‘She was mesmerised by the industry.She thought it was glamorous.It was so different to the small town we grew up in.By then, I’d been in the business for over a decade.I’d seen what went on behind closed doors.The stars with squeaky-clean images who were really alcoholics or drug addicts.I’d had a couple of close calls where I could’ve gone down the wrong path, but luckily, I was able to keep my head straight.Probably because I saw how close one of my bandmates came to dying after he OD’d, and it scared the shit out of me.’
‘Jesus,’ Halle winced.
‘Anyway, I was proud of the fact that I’d been in the business for so long, but never let myself get seduced by that stuff.But my sister was more easily led.One night she went to a party, I was too tired to go, so she insisted on going alone.Anyway, she met this guy, fell head over heels and got sucked into the wrong crowd.He and his friends were into coke.Persuaded her to try it and it all went downhill from there.She became an addict.I tried everything to get her away from him, but he’d turned her against me.When I finally got her out, she was too far gone.She was a different person.I put her in rehab over and over.She’d stay clean for a while, then relapse.The pattern continued for years.A shady journalist got wind of it and blackmailed me.’
‘No!’ Halle’s jaw dropped.
‘Said if I didn’t pay up, he’d publish the story.I didn’t want her to go through any more pain so I did.Cost me a lot of money.But even though paying for that and all the rehab drained me dry, it was worth it to protect my sister.I would’ve given my life for her.The last time she fell off the wagon, I put her in rehab again, but when she got out, she bumped into her ex, the guy that fucked her up, and went back with him.And this time, when she shot up, she overdosed and that was it.She was gone.’
‘Fuck,’ Halle said.‘That’s awful.But you’ve got to know that it wasn’t your fault.You did everything you could.’
‘But it wasn’t enough.That’s one of the reasons I don’t speak to my folks any more.Because they blame me.And because I’d run out of money to give them.’
‘That’s really sad.But if they only care about your money and blame you, you’re probably better off without them.’
‘True.’ It still hurt though.
Things were already on a downward spiral with my financial troubles after I got screwed over, but Minnie’s passing was really what marked the beginning of the end for me.That was when I started losing it all: my family, my career, then my home and everything I’d worked for.
‘None of this is on you.By the sounds of it, Minnie was determined to come to LA, with or without your blessing.You can only guide someone.Ultimately, they make their own decisions.You can’t be held responsible for that.She wouldn’t want you to blame yourself either.She’d want you to live your life to the full, have all of the adventures that she couldn’t and give your life and career your all to show her that everything wasn’t in vain.Her memory can still live on, through you.’
I stared at Halle in silence.
Her words hit me right in the gut.But in a good way.
She had a point.If Minnie could see me now, she’d be sad that I wasn’t writing any more.She’d be upset with me for blaming myself.
Whenever anything bad happened to me she’d say, ‘Sucks for you but sweet inspo for one of your songs.’
‘You’re right.She’d tell me to write a song about her.’
‘That’s a great idea.The Irish band The Script has a song called “If You Could See Me Now” about some of the band members’ parents who’d passed away…’
‘I love that song,’ I nodded.
‘It’s brilliant.And one of my favourite parts is when they say: “Take that rage, put it on a page?—”’
‘“Take the page to the stage, blow the roof off the place.”’ I finished Halle’s sentence.I knew that song off by heart.
‘Exactly!’ she smiled.‘That’s whatyoucould do.I know you normally write about love and heartbreak in romantic relationships, but there’s nothing to stop you from writing about the love you had for your sister too.’
‘I thought about it, many times, but it was too hard.It felt too personal.I didn’t want people to think less of her.I’m always asked about the inspiration for my songs and I knew that if I said it was about her, she’d go from being Minnie, my amazing, vibrant sister, to Minnie, the drug addict sister of bad boy Jake Myers.They’d tarnish her name and assume I turned her into an addict.I couldn’t protect her in life, so I at least wanted to protect her memory now that she’s gone.’
‘I totally get that.But maybe that song could do some good.It could let people, families who are going through the same pain know that they’re not alone.Or encourage other addicts to seek help.Your words, your songs are powerful.They could change lives.It could help something positive come from this pain.’
Fuck.I’d never thought about it like that.
‘Thank you,’ I said.‘For listening.For not judging.’
‘Thank you for trusting me enough to share something that’s so painful.I’m sure Minnie was amazing.And despite what you think about yourself right now, I’m sure she’d still believe in you.You’re so talented, Jake.Millions of people around the world would give their right arm to have a voice like yours and to be able to write songs like yours.You have a gift.Don’t let it go to waste.I believe in you.Now it’s time that you believed in yourself again.’
Once again, Halle’s words hit me like a truck.
As she squeezed my hand, I knew she was genuine.
