1945
Tuula saw Nils several evenings a week that summer. She didn’t like to leave the children, so he usually came over to her place when they had fallen asleep. Occasionally the children spent the night with Aino and Heikki, and then she and Nils were able to go for walks, have coffee and cakes somewhere, or have dinner at his home.
When the bakery closed for a week in July and everyone was given a week off, Nils suggested that Tuula and her kids accompany him to his summer cottage. “I want to go fishing as soon as we get there!” Matias said when Nils arrived to pick them up. Nils laughed and ruffled his hair, gave Tuula a kiss on the cheek, and patted Ritva’s shoulder. Matias had been beside himself with excitement ever since Tuula told them about the vacation. Ritva had been more reserved, but now she, too, was smiling expectantly. A remarkable sense of calm suffused Tuula’s body. This was the first time her little family had gone on a long journey together. An enjoyable journey, at least.
Tuula had been concerned about how the children would react when she started seeing Nils. She wasn’t worried about them feeling that their own father was being replaced—Ritva hardly knew her father, and Matias didn’t remember him at all. In fact, she was certain that it would be good for them to have Nils in their lives. But she was anxious about change. They had already been through so much, and for the firsttime in a long time their lives were stable. She could only hope that Nils would strengthen and contribute to that stability. To Tuula he meant security, and she thought he would be a good male role model for the children. Maybe she was jumping the gun, but their relationship felt so right. Someone who was so assured, so comfortable in their own skin would never desert her. She felt sure they would stay together.
The only fly in the ointment was that she had heard the gossip in the village. Things hadn’t improved after the incident last week. Tensions between the Swedes and the Finns remained high, and she worried whether Nils would cope with that. She glanced at him as he confidently drove along. If not, surely he would have left her already?
They traveled through the undulating landscape, past fields of wheat, huge meadows, and evergreen and deciduous forests. Nils stopped at a country store to buy groceries when they were only a few minutes from the cottage. They all went inside, and Tuula found herself hoping the children wouldn’t say anything. They usually spoke Swedish now, but of course they still had a Finnish accent. As long as the children kept quiet, no one would realize where they were from. With a bit of luck, they would be able to escape the stares and the gossip for a while. When the children started chattering away inside the store, she held her breath—but no one paid any attention to them. Tuula was ashamed of her thoughts. Who would accept them if Tuula herself didn’t stand up for her own children?
The cottage lay by a lake, surrounded by dense forest, with no close neighbors. The children ran straight down to the lake for a swim. Tuula followed with their towels, and when Nils had carried their luggage and groceries inside, he joined them with a basket containing sponge cake, coffee, and juice. When the children had finished swimming, they wrapped themselves in their towels and sat down. They munched on slices of sponge cake and giggled as the crumbs they dropped were borne away by hungry forest ants. Tuula savored her coffee, which tasted particularly good here in the shade of the tall pine trees, beside the sparkling waters of the lake, and with the rays of the sun warming her legs.
After their picnic, they went for a walk in the forest and picked blueberries and wild strawberries. That night, Tuula and Nils prepared dinner together. They enjoyed fried herring and boiled potatoes and blueberries with cream for dessert. Then they all took an evening dip.
The children fell asleep early, and Tuula and Nils sat on the veranda watching the sun go down behind the treetops on the far side of the lake. Nils fetched two glasses of cognac. They finished off the rest of the sponge cake, with whipped cream and the remaining berries.
“Do your parents know we’re here?” Tuula asked. The question had been nagging away at her. It wasn’t just the talk in the village that bothered her, but what they said—that Nils’s parents would never accept her.
Nils hesitated, then looked her in the eye. “I considered telling them that I was coming out here with friends, but I didn’t want to lie about it—about you.”
“And what did they say?”
“Mom didn’t say anything, but Dad yelled enough for both of them. But this is my grandfather’s house, which he left to me and Stig. My parents have looked after it over the years, but they have their own summer cottage. They don’t have any jurisdiction over this place, so they can’t stop me from being here.”
Tuula nodded. She appreciated his honesty, even if the answer was upsetting. “Do you and your father usually get along well?”
He nodded. “We’ve never had anything to fall out about. We generally agree about most things as far as the business is concerned.”
Never had anything to fall out about,she thought. Until now. She was overcome by a feeling of sorrow with a pang of bitterness, which took the joy out of the carefree summer evening. She knew she was the reason why Nils was at odds with his father.
As if he could read her mind, Nils put his index finger under her chin. “You’re not the problem. The problem is my father and his expectations.”
“Expectations? What does he expect of you?” Tuula just wanted to understand. She gazed at him in the golden light of the setting sun. Hewas wearing a white, short-sleeved polo shirt that showed off his muscular arms. He had a baker’s arms and broad shoulders, and his body was athletic—maybe thanks to the soccer. She had never seen his body properly, so to speak, but had admired him in his clothes many times.
“They had a girl in mind for me. The daughter of one of my father’s business associates.”
“So you’re ... promised to someone else?” The thought made her head spin. She couldn’t imagine him with another girl—he belonged to her. The very idea of someone else touching that firm upper body ... the soft skin at the nape of his neck ...
“No, no, absolutely not.” His dark-brown eyes almost glowed in the light. “It’s just ... My father wants me to ask her out. He’dlikeme to marry her to smooth the path for some of his business dealings.”
“I don’t want to get in the way,” she said quietly.The daughter of one of his father’s business associates.Of course she would be a better partner for Nils. Tuula stretched her legs.
He placed his hand on her thigh and stroked it gently. “You’re not getting in the way. I didn’t want to ask her out, and when you came into my life, it made my decision even simpler. You have to believe me when I say she is nothing to me.”
He leaned forward; she could smell his aftershave, his tanned skin. He kissed her softly, tentatively, and she responded in kind.
What was she going to do with this information? Now she knew his parents would never accept her and the children. His kiss deepened, as if to convince her, and she relaxed and pressed her body closer to his as his kisses became hungrier.
They had kissed like this before, but she had always stopped him before they took the next step. But here, with the lake and the forest as their only audience, and the cognac making her whole body feel pleasantly relaxed, she allowed herself to give in to the tingling sensation in her breast. It quickly spread down into her belly and beyond. She eagerly ran her hands over his shoulders and his arms, slipping themunder his polo shirt, across his hard stomach. He kissed her neck as he continued to caress her thigh.
Eventually he pulled her to her feet and they staggered, still kissing, into the cottage and toward his bedroom. He undid a few buttons on her shirt, and then his warm hands were inside, stroking her shoulders.
She wanted this, but she couldn’t help worrying that the children might wake up.
He sensed her hesitation, stopped, and looked at her.
“Forgive me if I’m going too fast,” he whispered. “I’ve wanted to do this for such a long time, but I completely understand if you’re not ready.”
