Nora leaned in. “How what?”
“How did they kill him without touching him?”
“MINDs all have a lethal dose of hemotoxin. It affects our blood. So the Illum can eliminate—”
“Murder,” I spat harshly. “You all sayeliminatelike it means something different. That man is dead. Collin killed that man.”
Nora didn’t flinch. “Okay, murder.”
I couldn’t look at her. All I saw in her sapphire eyes was Collin. Instead, my eyes locked on the man in the painting. The hand clutched to his heart was red. Was it blood on his hands? Akin to the blood on Collin’s. How could he do that? I had thought . . . I had wanted to believe in his goodness.
I sucked in a sharp breath. “I want to leave.”
“You need to stay until Collin returns,” Nora told me.
I didn’t want to, but I didn’t bother saying so. I had no rights up here. They had taken them from me.
I sat quietly and sipped my tea. It burned my throat viciously. The unmistakable smell of alcohol swarmed my nose. Someone had put alcohol in my tea. I relished the pain, taking another gulp as if it would burn away the image of the pool of blood. Blood that covered my soul, Collin’s atrocities ruining me.
I didn’t know how long we were silent before I heard voices. Collin and Phillip entered, and behind them was Gregory, still in his blue. Collin and I made eye contact. He broke away from Phillip, coming to stand in front of me. I didn’t bother to stand. He took a seat in front of me on the table. He reached his hand toward me, like he might touch me. I pulled away toward Nora. His hand fell to his side.
“Leave us,” he told them. They all began to rise.
“Don’t,” I begged. Everyone stood frozen.
“Emeline—” Collin started hesitantly. His calmness broke my restraint. “Look, I—”
“You what?” I demanded, turning toward Collin. “Killed someone, used me, embarrassed Gregory, who was innocent in my being in blue. Interrogated the Starlings—hurt them.”
I stood abruptly, sloshing the last bits of my cold tea on my gown. I didn’t care, though. It could be ruined, like the rest of me. “I want to go to my living quarters.”
“You should stay here tonight,” Nora suggested. “So you aren’t alone.”
I couldn’t. I refused to stay in their clouds. I took a step, but Collin grabbed my hand, halting me.
“Forgive me,” Collin whispered. “Emeline, please—” I felt the others go still at those words, but I was past caring.
“For which part?” I demanded. “What am I forgiving you for this time?”
Collin hesitated, his eyes finding mine. “For hurting you.”
“Wrong,” I growled. “I thought you weren’t foolish enough to ask for something unobtainable.” A cup shattered on the floor. “Imagine my surprise to discover you are, in fact, a fool.”
“He was actively working against the Illum.”
“So he should die?” I hissed.
“It’s hard to understand.”
“No, what’s hard to understand is that you told me you didn’t believe in killing Minors, but you just did,” I fumed. No one else in the room mattered. I raged against that magnetic pull as his endless pools held mine—the sapphires fractured and dull. I searched for the man I had first met but before I could find him, Collin stepped back, turning away from me.
“That was before.”
I shook my head as a cloud outside shifted. The light from the moon illuminated the room as if in answer to the questions swirling in my mind.What role would I play?Silence filled my mind. I needed to get to the ground. Because they didn’t understand—living up here, they didn’t understand. I didn’t know what would become of my soul if I stayed here.
“I’d like to go to my living quarters, please,” I said, willing myself to calm.
“Phillip, summon a Pod and get the Force ready for briefing. Gregory, make sure she gets home. We can’t afford any more mistakes.”
