I ripped away from him as reality found me.
“I want a Pod now.” I felt as if my body were on fire. I covered my searing lips.
“Of course,” she muttered, her eyes flying between us once more before she rushed to her room.
Collin stared at me like he had never truly seen me. I watched as he re-formed that polished exterior, the storms in his sapphire pools winking out. He pulled away to fetch his empty glass and refilled it from the bottle on the shelf. Collin downed the liquid before filling the glass again. He stalked over to me.
“The other rules should be followed. I am a member of the Illum, and you are my Mate,” Collin told me, thrusting the glass into my trembling hand. “Therefore, you have to adhere to their rules.”
“And if I don’t?” I whispered. Those sapphire eyes gutted at my question.
“The consequences won’t be pleasant.” Collin spoke quietly, stepping away again, his hands in fists. The space between us grew. “Nora will secure you a Pod. The ball is in two weeks. I shall see you then. Good night.”
“What of the public appearances?” I asked, my chest empty as something that resembled disappointment crept in.
Collin halted. “There’s no need. You can just be my pet at the ball.”
My spine went rigid at the way he saidpet. The knot in my throat choked me. I downed the drink to burn it away. It didn’t work.
Without another word, he left, as if he couldn’t escape me quickly enough.
Alone, I stared at the painting above Collin’s heating hearth once again. What made the woman walk away? I hated that I would never know. At the man’s feet something grew—maybe a flower, bloodred as if his agony had given it life. The woman walked away all the same. But a tendril of her blond hair flowed behind her, a connection to the man and his perpetual sorrow. As if even in leaving him she remained tied to him. Forever.
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
HAROLD GREETED ME THE NIGHT OF MY FIRST BALL. “IT’Sbeen some time. The Starlings are ready for you.”
I had spent the last two weeks almost entirely alone. Lo was once again my only companion, but even she was distant. Gregory hadn’t approved their mating yet. Even with clear eyes, she was withdrawn. Most mornings I would find her stuffing an empty stimulant drink into her bag, surrounded by the other still-drugged women. Was she sabotaging her contract, or did she no longer care in Gregory’s silence? I never got to ask her, thanks to the soldiers who now rode on the Pods with us. I didn’t know if Gregory’s silence was due to whatever was going on with the supplements or his displeasure that, for all Lo was, she would never be Nora.
I didn’t hear from Nora either. Her determination to bully Collin for an informal tea seemed unsuccessful. Or perhaps she had heard our argument and decided against being my friend after all.
Hal hadn’t returned to my office. I assured myself that it was due to his healing and that I would hear from someone if something was wrong.
My office, which had provided the two of us refuge, became a cell again, the buzzing lights my only company. I looked at art, my mind bouncing from intrigue to wishing I could discuss it with someone to wondering if the pieces I sent to destruction found their way into the Underworld. One of the paintings they destroyed stuck with me—a man led a woman by the hand, but the woman was pale and looked upset and lost. Was he taking her away? Were the people among the trees mourning her leaving?Orpheus Leading Eurydice from the Underworld.Had there been an Underworld before the Last War? I didn’t know. I never would. The lights never talked back, so I sat alone with my thoughts, staring at all the things the Illum were determined to destroy. I couldn’t bring myself to look too closely at that last clash with Collin—the line I had very nearly crossed, one I never would have forgiven myself for.
I followed Harold into the room, where I waited for the Starlings. Collin’s voice echoed in my ear.
Knowing every terrible thing I am capable of. Would you tell me no?
The look in his blue eyes haunted me almost as viciously as how my body had moved toward him instead of running. Instead of saying no.
You’re maddening, consuming, unwilling to follow any of their rules. I have a role to play and yet I spend my time thinking about you.
I could have listened to the boundaries and obeyed. Allowed my Academy training to win—be a suitable Mate. Adhered to my role in this society they had built when we resurfaced after the nuclear fallout.
But that would mean I must ignore the injustice I had seen. Overlook the blood on my beaded gown and the person it had belonged to. Forget Violet’s battered face. Disregard the mothers’ screams at the Sanctuary. Let go of the Majors’ life beneath. Brush off the way Hal had kissed me.
Tell me no.
And yet I hadn’t.
“Hello, Fledgling,” Violet’s silky voice cooed at me, startling me back to the present.
I turned to face her, relief flooding me to see her healed and unmarred face. Her eyes were clear. “Hi,” I said, and smiled.
“Come, we have a long appointment,” Rose said, holding the door open to the steaming bathing room.
Within minutes, I was stripped naked, and they scrubbed every inch of me. I was pelted by the hot shower before I plunged into the tub.
