She lifts one shoulder, gaze still averted. “It was fine. She’s really pretty.”
You’re prettier.
“She… uh… told me the whole story. About what happened between you two, I mean. And Thayer.”
I take my time chewing and swallowing a bite of spaghetti. “It was a hard time for all of us.”
“I’m sure. She told me about Thayer’s son…” She audibly swallows. “I can’t imagine. If something happened to one of my brothers, it would devastate me. I don’t know how you ever recover from something like that.”
“You don’t,” I answer simply. “He’ll always carry that pain. He has good days and bad, but I think he chooses to live and love his life that much moreforForrest.”
She sips her water, eyes trained on me. “You actually like him, don’t you?”
Laughter flies out of me. “Now? Yeah. Didn’t used to, though.”
She cocks her head to the side. “You mean something actually managed to ruffle your feathers, Caleb Thorne?”
“My feathers get ruffled more often than you’d think,” I admit. “But yeah, I was hurt and angry. Who wouldn’t be? The divorce was a blow too.”
She winces at that, making my heart sink.
Shit. I clear my throat. “But probably not in the ways you’re thinking.”
“Explain,” she demands, her voice warbling slightly. “I want to understand you better.”
Halle is so self-reliant, so independent. So this? Wanting to know more about me? It feels like a gift.
“I felt like I had failed Seda. My parents aren’t divorced, but they probably should be. All my life, I’ve strived not to be anything like them. All I wanted was for Seda to have a better childhood than I did. Divorce meant separate homes, and even though I’d formally adopted her and Salem promised that she would never take my daughter from me, I was still scared. She’snotmy blood. I know exactly how that would play out if we ended up in court.”
“Salem said you wanted more kids.”
I sigh and set my fork down. I’m glad Halle is curious about my life, and if there’s any chance of a future between us, she needs to know this stuff, but fuck if it doesn’t dredge up pain that took a long time to abate.
“I did.” There’s no sense in lying. “Seda was getting older, and I wanted her to have siblings.”
Halle takes a deep breath, then lets it out slowly. “Are you still in love with her? I need to know that.”
“No,” I answer easily. “I’m not. There will always be aplace in my heart for her. She’s Seda’s mom, after all. But that’s where my feelings for her end.”
“Are you sure?” she presses. “I-I need to know, because I… I have feelings for you. It’s confusing, and I don’t know what to make of them, but I can’t… I refuse to fall for a man who’s in love with someone else.”
My heart stumbles over itself, and I’m pretty sure my jaw just hit the floor.
“You’re falling for me?”
“I don’t know!” Voice rising, she covers her face with her hands. “I don’t know,” she says, softer this time. “Like I said, I’m confused. I don’t have experience with guys like you.”
My chest tightens. “Like me?”
“You know.” She waves a hand a little wildly. “Perfect.”
The laugh that escapes me is sardonic. “Halle, I’m far from perfect.”
“From where I’m sitting, you seem pretty dang close to it, while I’m the furthest thing from it. My family is a disaster. The town I lived in all my life is a giant ticket to nowhere. I only finished one year of community college because I couldn’t handle the schoolwork while working multiple jobs and ensuring my brothers were taken care of.”
Her shoulders droop.
“I used every penny I had to buy a house that probably should have been bulldozed. I’m still barely scraping by with two jobs while trying to build a life where my brothers can just be kids. I’m awreck. I can’t possibly be what you want or need, but there’s a connection here I can’t deny.” She flicks a finger between us. “You said I had to make thefirst move, but I’m scared. Everyone in my life has let me down, Caleb. Everyone. I don’t want you to let me down too. But I don’t want to put that pressure on you. There will always be disappointments. No one is perfect. But if this would just be sex?—”
