One of the paramedics gives me a gentle nudge out of the way. “I’m sorry, ma’am,” he says, his expression full of genuine apology, “but in the condition he’s in, we need the space to work.”
“No!” I shriek, running after them. “Please, let me go!”
Outside the rec center, the cold air hits me like a slap to the face, causing my steps to falter.
That’s all it takes for the paramedics to get ahead of me.Before I can catch up, they’ve got Caleb loaded and they’re closing the doors.
“No!” My knees give out, but before they can collide with the concrete, Thayer’s there again, scooping me up.
The world around me blurs. Thelma speaks to Thayer. Something about taking all the kids. Then I’m put into a minivan with Thayer, Salem, and Laith.
I shake uncontrollably in the back seat. Up front, Salem looks back every few seconds, tears in her eyes and lips turned down like she’s scared I’ll completely fall apart. Laith looks downright sick at my side.
Salem and Thayer talk as Thayer drives, but I’m too out of sorts to make out their words.
“Shouldn’t we be at the hospital by now?” I ask after what feels like an eternity.
“They’re taking him straight to the bigger hospital thirty minutes away,” Thayer answers, glancing at me in the rearview mirror.
That makes my tears come harder and faster.
“My b-brothers?” I stutter. “Are they okay? They’re okay, right?”
Fuck, it’s only now occurring to me to think about them. I’m a horrible sister. I was too caught up in Caleb’s injury to think about them.
“They’re fine,” Salem answers. “Shaken up, but fine.”
I wrap my arms around myself, suddenly freezing, my whole body shaking and my teeth chattering uncontrollably.
I nod woodenly. They’re fine. They’re okay. That’s all thatmatters. But Caleb…
A sob rips out of me.
I’ve always prided myself on being strong. On holding steady during difficult situations. But nothing could have prepared me for seeing the person I love most shot right in front of me. Especially knowing that shot was meant for me.
And the shooter was my own mother…
I can’t think about it right now. How she got out, how she made her way there, what she was thinking… it’s all too much for me to handle.
By the time we arrive at the hospital, I’ve detached from my body. Like my consciousness is floating outside my form and I’m viewing the scene like I’m watching on TV.
My body moves woodenly through the sliding doors into the lobby of the ER. Laith stays by my side while Thayer strides straight to the desk. He gestures to me, and when he sayswife, another sob escapes me.
We’re supposed to be celebrating our wedding. It’s supposed to be the happiest day of our lives.
When I hear the woman mentionsurgery, I nearly crumble to the floor. Only Laith’s arms around me keep me upright.
I hate this. I hate this.I hate this.
My breaths come in sporadic pants.
Is this what a panic attack feels like?
Laith drags me over to a chair. “Breathe,” he commands, hands on my cheeks. “I need you to breathe, Halle.”
Unshed tears burn my eyes. “Am I going to lose him?”
I’ve finally found the one person I feel safe with, that I canopen up to, who sees all my flaws and loves me anyway, and now I could lose him. Did I do something in another life that’s left me undeserving of even an ounce of genuine happiness?
