If she were here I would have told her I love her every single day. She will always be that piece in my heart that feels like a void but at the same time warms me when I think about her.
I glance at the window. It’s dark outside yet the green LEDs cast a delicate layer of luminescence over my window from a nearby tree.
“Did we sleep through the day?” Lai croaks beside me.
I tuck the photo between two pages and put the sketchbook aside, “We did.”
“Shit!” she clears her voice and rubs her swollen eyes. “You know how to drink girl.” I sense the surprise in her tone.
“I was surrounded by men my whole life, at some point, you get good at being in their world, and if they aren’t self-absorbed they appreciate that about you.” I grab the bottle of water I got us and hand it to her.
“Fuck yes!” she guzzles it down, “Bitch, you’re really smart when you’re drunk.”
I give her the side-eye, “Lai, we’re not drunk anymore.”
“I am drunk.” She nods rapidly, “I need to stay drunk.”
“Want to fall back asleep and get breakfast in the morning? I heard they are having some catering tomorrow.” I suggest as I glide my body against the mattress and stretch my neck across the pillow.
She mimics my movements on her side of the bed, “I’m in! I feel like a bear entering a deep hibernation.”
“Good thing it’s summer,” I reply before I shut down myeyelids.
“Ugh!” her funny sounds crack me up.
I am somewhere between tired and itching to go for a ride but it’s not safe right now, I still feel the booze padding my system even if it’s not there anymore, and it feels nasty.
Everyone hides behind a face they choose to show the world. Whether they like it or not. We’re all being fake with someone at some point, it’s inevitable. We carry some kind of pain, thoughts, and burdens that force us to adopt a character that we wear when everyone’s looking or when the situation demands it.
Why do people always need to make sense of everything? Don’t they understand that there are so many things that don’t fucking make sense? And we still exist amongst them.
My mom is gone and I learned to live with it. I talk to her and that’s my way of dealing with losing her.
At least, that way I feel closer to her.
Perhaps, that is Meadow’s way of distancing himself from everyone else. Including me, even though he let me see him, the little I could. But I’m starting to think that there is way more behind those disguises. Maybe… peace. It’s what I do with my media content. I also hide behind my helmet to keep my private life private. He could do just the same.
I wave at the other bikers who wait for me on the road. After breakfast with Lai, I went to have a beer with Milo, Donna, and my Dad on the phone like I promised. It was so epic, hearing them all telling stories and sharing more things I didn’t know about Mom too.
I still haven’t seen Meadow today which is for the best. I’m not prepared to face him and I’m pretty sure we will go back to being the cat and mouse we usually are.
“Bikers full suits,” Lenny says next to me.
A sense of déjà vu strikes me. “Right?! I have no complaints.”
“Me neither.”
“It leaves nothing to the imagination.”
“Not in the slightest.”
We both make devilish chuckles.
“The first time I saw Dean with a full biker suit, I was on fire and dripping like a water hose.” Lenny jokes while texting on her phone.
“I hope my man would wear those suits if he’s a biker.” Hopefully. “I need someone with the same lifestyle. Being with someone who wasn’t taught me how distancing it was.”
“You’re right and you will find your biker. I’m so jealous you can ride, I miss that and surfing and my skateboard.” She makes a sad pout. “I’m so emotional all the time, I can cry from anything.”
