Sucking in a breath, I shake my head, my throat so thick with worry and uncertainty that it threatens to choke me. “I can’t.” I begin to pace, and my heart crashes around in my chest.
Kingston takes a seat on the bank of the creek and draws up his legs so he has somewhere to prop his arms. He cocks his head to the side, looking up at me, his full lips pressed together. “Come on, man. Sit with me, like you have so many times before. Let me be here for you like you’ve been for me. Let all of us help you.”
A fear I’ve only known in my worst nightmares comes slamming into the forefront of my mind. If I unlock the vault and let this demon out, there’s no taking it back. I close my eyes, feeling a sting hit the back of them that I’m all too familiar with.
“Arch. Fuckin’ sit down. Please.” As soon as Kingston makes the request, Cannon follows suit and drops to his ass a few feet away. They warily watch me from the grass, but Elliot, she won’t sit without me. I inhale deeply as she puts her arms around me, holding on tight. Mumbling against my chest, she whispers, “Sit with me?”
I blow out one hard breath and then another. And another. Ever so slowly, I come around, wrapping my arms around her to return the tight hold she has on me. It feels like she’ll never let me go. But… she doesn’t know the truth I’ve been hiding.
For several minutes, we stand quietly together, listening to the sounds of the creek and the night. Breathing together. Hearts beating. Together.
Elliot murmurs, “Whatever it is, we can deal with it. We are so much stronger as a unit than any of us are on our own.”
And it’s then, with words of this girl who has come into our lives, the one who completed our group and makes us feel whole, I decide I can’t hold it in any longer. “Elliot, I need you to sit down so I can get this out.”
She nods. “Okay.” She reluctantly releases me and backs away, eventually taking a seat between Kingston and Cannon.
“Damien—” I suck in a breath, staring off toward the house. “He— I don’t know how to explain what happened, really. He realized pretty quick after he and his mother moved in that I was unsure of myself. He’s older by two years, very confident.” I stop to clear my throat. “He’s charming.”
Kingston huffs out a disturbed laugh. “I didn’t get a charming vibe from the text messages.”
I rub my hand over my jaw. “I didn’t think it was very charming when he snuck into my room and raped me either. Claimed he was helping me figure things out. Said he’d take one for the team, that it didn’t make him gay to fuck me in the ass if I had a better sense of who I was afterward.” I pause, swallowing. “I was so fucking young.”
Elliot shudders visibly, but her eyes are trained on me, I can tell without having to look directly at her.
Cannon leans forward, gripping his head in his hands. “The fuck.” The words rip from his throat like they’re being dragged out over gravel and shards of glass.
And Kingston. He lets out an anguished sound, like that of an injured animal, as he takes a few deep breaths before meeting my gaze.“Arch.”
Just my name on his lips, so full of ache, makes all the air punch from my lungs. “I—” My eyes crash shut. How the hell do I even say this? I can’t stand still, so I pace back and forth with my hands gripping my suspenders tightly. “After that first time, he got inside my head with sinfully sweet words and the gentle way he’d touch me. I didn’t fucking understand it then, that it was like a poison.” My chest burns with humiliation.
“I didn’t fight back. I don’t know why. And he used that against me, too. Messed with my fucking head so badly I had myself convinced I’d asked for it. He used to taunt me, tell me my body’s reactions betrayed my true feelings. That I wanted it. So even when I finally started to say no, I didn’t want to… The way he’d touch me—” I stop talking, stop pacing back and forth, my face set on fire with shame, and let my head hang.
“And that’s when you made the plan to leave.” Kingston’s voice is low, every bit as lethal sounding as the day we rescued Elliot from Nick.
My brows draw together in confusion. That’s not the reaction I was expecting, but I nod, determined to finish. “He abused me right up until the day I left to come here. I didn’t—” An awful shudder runs through me. “I didn’t know how to make him stop because I was afraid he’d tell my dad, the raging homophobe.”
“You were already confused and hurting, and Damien took advantage of that, Archer. That’s not your fault.” Elliot’s staring at me with sad eyes, and I see my pain mirrored in hers. She must have had much the same experience with Nick, only it was the threat of him lying about her mental state that kept her silence. The thought of it guts me.
Cannon blows out a hard breath, shaking his head in abject dismay. But not disgust, which is what I’d expected, though I don’t know why. In fact, as I force myself to look at each one of their faces, all I see is unconditional love flowing from them into me. It makes my heart do funny things in my chest. I wet my lips. “That’s it. I was his fuck toy for two years before I could escape. I tried to tell my mom once, and she said I must be imagining it.” I exhale harshly. “As if I’d imagined his dick plowing into my ass.” I shrug.
Kingston cringes at my words, and I hope I haven’t freaked him the fuck out. So, to deflect, I do what I do best and steer the conversation to a place that doesn’t hurt so much. As the three of them stand, cautiously approaching me, I turn on my funny man routine. Shrugging, I quip, “Damien was right about one thing. I do like dick.” I brush my lips past Elliot’s temple as she hugs me tightly. “But I also really like chicks.”
“You don’t have to joke around right now.” Kingston’s voice sounds thick, like he’s holding back a tidal wave of emotion, and he swipes a few fingers under his eye. He comes in close, gripping the back of my neck and steering my face to his. “Have I hurt you? I just— I need to know.” His chest heaves as he stares into my eyes, regret and worry simmering there in equal measure.
Pain slams into me like I’ve been run over by a Mack truck. I really fucking hate that he’d assume that. I shake my head. “Never, K.”
“You’re sure?” He tilts his head until his forehead touches mine.
“Positive. You couldn’t. I’ve wanted every moment with you. You—”
“I didn’t know.”
“I know you didn’t.” I stare into his pale-green eyes, trying to make him see. “I meant what I said, K.Anythingwith you.”
His exhale is sharp, and then he’s kissing me softly. I can tell he’s trying so hard not to break down, because his lips tremble against mine. “I’m so fuckin’ sorry that happened to you.”
Much like at the game yesterday, Cannon closes our circle on my other side, gently thumping his hand on my back. “So sorry, man.”
