Time passes by around me. I can feel it ticking inside me like our song that I haven’t finished, an anxiety coming with each beat. Amusing. I’m nervous. Turning, I look back at the entrance, still unsure if she’s going to follow me in. She might not. She might choose those streets over what I can provide. It’s one of the many things I seem to be obsessed with about her. Her sense of self – her disregard of the conventional.
The sound of Hannah’s heels coming towards me makes me tilt my head over my shoulder. She comes to a stop beside me, looking at the door with me.
“Where is she?” she asks.
“Thinking, or running.”
“I should go and talk to-“
“No. You’ll leave her alone to make her own choice.” My Alice is her own being, and me being me does not change that because all this wealth and privilege, all this power and authority means nothing to her. I smile slightly at the thought, nodding to myself about the possible inevitability of this situation. I could be turned down. Not something that has ever happened to me before, nor something that any other woman would do given my name.
“Are you sure? She might just need a little push-“
“No.”
She huffs beside me. “Maybe if you’d bothered dressing for the occasion she would have been more prepared.”
“I didn’t want her prepared. She’s at her best unprepared. At her most honest.” I glance down at the floaty blue chiffon Hannah’s chosen, bored by its normality at a wedding. “Why are you wearing that?”
“Wedding?”
“You’ve been away from me too long. He’s turning you dull.”
She giggles softly, looks back at him. “Actually, he’s turning me fat.” I look at her face, her curves, her legs. Better than she was when they first met. Not as slim or hollow in her features.
“Eating food does that to a body.”
“It’s nothing to do with eating, Malachi. And he doesn’t know yet so don’t say anything.”
My brow arches, body turning fully to look at her. “Your…?”
“Yes. I found out this morning. I haven’t found the right time to say something yet.”
A light chuckle falls out of me, which is completely at odds with the nerves that keep making me feel like exploding all over someone. I look back at him with the priest, knowing how much he wants his own marriage. “You should marry him. Soon.”
“I will. I doubt I’ll have any choice when he finds out. I just needed time for me first. Time to find me again.” She looks back at me, then the door that still hasn’t opened. “Do you think she’s coming?”
“I don’t know.” And now, after this news, I feel more inclined to understand why she wouldn’t see me as the type of man that could, or would, provide the life she wants. She’s wrong. For her, I will provide exactly the type of life she wants because I have found someone worth living that type of life with. “Go back to Gray, Hannah. I need space.”
I listen as she walks off, then keep staring at two closed, wooden doors that seem full of hidden meaning. It’s as if they’re barring her from me, showing me there’s something still locked down tight inside her. There isn’t that I know of, but I suppose she’s right. We barely know each other but for the time we’ve spent together. We’ve fucked. We’ve talked. I’ve rescued her and she’s rescued me. That’s enough for me. It’s more than enough, but, maybe for her it’s just another thing in life that passes by with no real meaning involved. Maybe I am.
Heavy boots start walking up behind me. Brandon. I hold my hand up to him before he reaches me, my eyes still focused on the doors. I don’t need his thoughts on this situation. I don’t need anyone’s thoughts other than hers and mine. Here we are, as she would say. Two hearts. One beat.
Her decision.
Silence again other than the gentle sound of murmuring behind me and this old church creaking under the rain pouring down outside. I can imagine her out there in it, her eyes to the sky as she negotiates with herself. A life with me, or freedom on her own. Interesting bargain she’s having to deal with. I won’t be easy. She knows that as well as I do. And she’s probably questioning her ability to keep me entertained. She shouldn’t. She is the most entertaining thing I have ever found because she challenges, constantly. She makes me question myself, makes me see this world around me on a whole new level.
The eventual sight of Brett walking straight passed me and opening the doors increases the sense of anxiety building inside. He closes them behind him, making sure I understand that those doors are still closed until she opens them.
I lean on one of the pews and listen to the priest’s footsteps coming towards me.
He arrives, opens his mouth.
“Go back. Wait,” I snarl. He opens his mouth again, fiddling with his robes. “No. Wait.” More footsteps come towards me. Gray’s this time. Thank fuck the priest leaves because he was about to get a mouthful of vehemence that is not meant for him.
“Malachi, perhaps we should-“
“No.” He sighs. “Shewillcome.”
