“She’s still being super inappropriate with the clients.”
“You look spooked, babe. What’s going on?”
“Just thinking of worst-case scenarios, which honestly are all plausible. It’s just a matter of time before she brings the entire foundation down with her. My boss, Gail, promised me she’d take care of it, but we need Vicki and her connections. It’s extremely fucked up that she can get away with being this unprofessional.”
“Good thing that you don’t need to stick around if shit hits the fan.” She sounded flippant, but I knew she was trying to goad me into admitting I was staying put in Dallas.
I gave her the side-eye she was after and took my phone out again to check if Rocco had texted me...because I was obsessed with him. Instead there was a message from Tariq on the Exiles chat.
Tariq: Feliz Nochebuena, Exiliados. Rocco too, since you speak Spanish and it’s too late to exchange you for a Latinx dude! JK We’ll keep you. Mad Love from Houston.
He sent a photo of himself smiling wide in a hideous Christmas sweater that looked amazing contrasted against his ebony skin. Also noteworthy? None other than José was in the picture, and he looked ecstatic to be there.
From my side, Alba whistled. “Dayum, you didn’t say your Dallas friends were that hot. Fuuuuuck. I’d put up with some shit for that.” She circled her finger over Tariq’s face on the screen.
I chuckled and shook my head as I tapped a response. “Sorry, Tariq plays exclusively for Team Gay.” I cracked up at her devastated expression. “Actually, he seems to have a serious crush on José.”
She nodded. “Don’t blame him, he’s gorgeous too. Speaking of hot and geographically convenient... How’s Rocco Fucking Quinn? I know you’re avoiding talking about him with me. And don’t think I don’t know you two are fucking. Your neck’s all red.”
I balked at that. “I do not blush.” I pointed at my face. “I ambrown.”
She shook her head like I was a lost cause. “You’re light-skinned is what you are and you’re avoiding talking about this dude. I mean, come on. He’s single, has a super-good job, and is thirsting after your ass. If you’re not fucking him, then I don’t know if our friendship means anything.”
“Good Lord, you’re a lot.” I held up a hand, about to say something dismissive or that gave levity to what Rocco and I were doing, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t make it less. I could not makehimless than what he was to me, than what he’d become.
I closed my eyes and held my breath, just for a second, before letting it out. I felt Alba’s hand on my shoulder, but she didn’t speak. If anyone knew the turmoil I was in over this, it was my best friend.
“I like him, Alba. A lot. He’s—”
Her usually flinty eyes were soft and kind when I looked at her.
“He’s so good to me. In bed and outside of it, we justfit, but I can’t derail my life again. Not this soon. It hasn’t even been a full year. I can’t throw myself into another guy and change course. I can’t do it. I wasted too much time on Matt.”
Alba’s face hardened at the mention of my ex.
“I’m not going to push on this right now because I know we’re about to go to dinner, and you don’t need to look like someone died when we go out to hang with your fam. But we need to talk about this before you go back, Julia. I don’t think reconsidering or adjusting your plan is ‘derailing your life for a man,’ babe. I really don’t.”
I hiked an eyebrow up, “Wouldyoudo it?”
She smiled ruefully at me, because she knew I had her there. Alba’s MO was “hit it and quit it,” so she was not the one to talk about commitment. “A, you’re not me. B, you can’t go by what I’d do. I’m a heartless bitch who will probably die alone.”
“I had a first-row seat to seeing you help raise your three sisters, so spare me your heartlessness. I know you’re full of shit.”
We both laughed at that and I tried to change the subject, again.
“I talked to Judith yesterday. We met for coffee.” Judith had been my supervisor at my old job.
Alba lifted an eyebrow, as if asking why she should care. I loved her but she could be such a bitch. “You’re so fucking salty, all the time.”
“Why is this news? You guys always got along really well, so having coffee with her is not exactly breaking news.”
I threw my hands up. “Fine. Oh my God. She told me I could have my job back.” I shrugged, still not sure how I felt about this possibility. “The person they hired ended up relocating when his spouse got a job on the West Coast, so they’re just going to have a couple of people fill in for the rest of the school year and do a search in May.”
And the possibility of being here, close to Rocco, was appealing, but right underneath was the fact that I wanted to stay in Dallas. Fuck, I wasn’t even sure if going back to New York was right for him either, but I couldn’t come up with a whole new life plan for the two of us. No, I would not play myself like that. Not again.
“Uh-huh.” Alba’s tone was a perfect match to my level of enthusiasm. “Julia, you can do long distance. You can ask him if he wants to move there for you. There are other options, and you voicing them to him, asking for what you want, isn’t unreasonable or needy.”
But Rocco had never expressed he wanted that. No, from the get-go his one goal was to get his sister settled in the New York City suburbs. The idea of baring my soul to him, asking him to stay in Dallas for me, was terrifying—almost as terrifying as things ending between us.
