Paula looked at me and then opened her mouth, like she was going to say something. A feeling of dread ran through me, and I wasn’t even sure why. My parents—well, my father at least—never interfered with my life. If I asked him to stay out of it, he would. The same could not be said for my mother.
I opened my mouth and talked into the silence, hoping to just end this conversation. “Everything was fine, Papi. I just wanted to be here early for the shopping.” I felt so fucked up right now that I was actually looking forward to the hellscape that would be outlet shopping on Black Friday. If anything, it would for sure be a distraction.
My father was still looking at me funny, and my sister’s scoffing at my answer certainly didn’t help matters.
“Did you guys sleep all right?” There was a lot more than him wanting to make sure I got my beauty rest in that question, but I was not going there. I gave a terse nod in response and took a big gulp of coffee.
Paula, on the other hand, had a lot more to say. “I slept awesome. Rocco was a great host and the guest bedroom I was in had its own bathroom and a TV, with cable!” I had to hide a smile by drinking some more coffee. She was so extra. My dad chuckled and wrapped an arm around her shoulder.
“You were living your best life, over there.” Both Paula and I laughed at that. Our dad spent most of his days with New York City-bred undergraduates; his knowledge of the most popular slang was as hilarious as it was uncanny.
Paula nodded and gave me a pointed look. “I totally was. Rocco promised we’d watch theGoblet of Firetonight.”
How did he know to bribe my sister with her biggest weakness?
More importantly, I could not go back to Rocco’s. I would do something stupider. I shook my head before I thought better of it and almost stomped my foot.
“We’re not sleeping there tonight.”
Paula, who could go into the drama field if her dream of going to vet school didn’t work out, wailed in response. “What, why?”
My dad was looking at me with canny eyes, obviously interested in my answer, and I wanted this whole fucking conversation to be over.
“Because I said so, all right?”
“I didn’t see you complaining about the place last—”
My panic must have shown on my face, because whatever she saw shut her up.
“Fine. Suit yourself,” she huffed, walking out of the kitchen like I was crushing her every dream.
I was tired, figuratively and literally. Tired of wanting Rocco, tired of telling myself giving in to it was stupid. Tired of feeling guilty about not wanting to move back home, tired of not wanting to lose my job. Tired of my coworker being a Problematic Penny, just tired.
But mostly, I was confused and low-key horny, because I knew that if I went back to that apartment tonight, I’d end up in Rocco’s bed, and just the thought of that felt like a panacea to all that ailed me.
“Hey.” My dad’s worried voice snapped me out of my troubled thoughts. “What’s going on in there?” he asked, gently tapping my temple.
“Did Rocco say something to upset you?” I almost laughed at the question, because Rocco had been nothing but amazing to me yesterday and this morning even when I was being a total jerk to him.
“No, he was great. I just want to be with you guys. You’re only here for a couple more days. So what if we’re a bit tight?”
My dad let me get away with my lame answer and gave me a peck on my forehead. “All right. We’re happy to be tight as sardines in here with you, if that’s what this is really about.”
He moved to grab the mug he’d been using from the counter and filled it with coffee. He took a sip and looked at me with knowing eyes. “But, if this is about you not trusting your judgement or thinking that you don’t know what’s right for you, because of what happened with Matt...”
“Dad.” I only called him that when something was off. He, of course, took note and held up his hand.
“We don’t have to get into it. I just need you to hear me when I tell you this: you have better judgement than most people my age. You’re strong and your decision to come out here to support your partner was what I would’ve done. Your partner got an opportunity for a better job in Dallas, you held it down for him, got yourself a job, and made the move. It went badly becauseMattacted badly.Youdid everything right.”
“I should’ve known he was stepping out on me.” The words came out calm. Saying it now, it all felt like it happened long ago, so distant from the rage and anger I’d felt after it happened. I realized that the sting of Matt’s cheating hurt more because I hadn’t been smart enough to see it than the fact that it ended our relationship.
“No, baby, you were doing what you were supposed to. Why would you assume the person that was supposed to love you failed you?”
I was about to say something else but the space was suddenly filled with my grandmother’s voice. “Lita, are you ready to take your mami and me shopping?”
I smiled at how excited she sounded. Those two were die-hard shopaholics and Black Friday was practically a national holiday for them.
My father gave another squeeze, his eyes showing me that he’d meant every word he’d said. I wanted so badly to believe him, but I wasn’t sure about anything. Other than the intensity with which I wanted Rocco.
