Chapter 32
She ran as hard as she could—as fast as she could until her lungs threatened to collapse. Into the palace, through long, dark corridors that suddenly looked so unfamiliar and tainted. She bolted up the stone stairs on bare feet, turning left, then right, and up again until she was standing in front of Dorid’s sleeping chambers.
Though she detested him, it was the only place she believed no one would think to look for her. Not even Aziel. Hopefully. Her own thoughts were confusing—she didn't understand how she could want him so deeply, ache for him to the point that it nearly drove her insane, just for her to run the moment she had him right where she wanted him.
She berated herself, cursing under her breath at her own cowardice before reaching for the door knob. Nymiria opened the door, practically throwing herself inside when she heard the thumping of boots on the stone staircase behind her.Images of his lust-filled eyes clouded her mind to the point where she could already feel his hands on her, moving from one sensitive patch of flesh to the next until her body felt as if it had been lit ablaze, her sex throbbing between her thighs when she heard him getting closer.
Her body went rigid, hands curling into fists as the steps drew near.
Aziel was breathless when he entered the room, his eyes wild as they roved over her. The sleeve of her dress had fallen to her bicep at some point, the flimsy cotton material clinging to her breasts for dear life. She was grappling with every ounceof self-control as much as she possibly could, but to see him so disheveled and desperate made every warning in her mind cease its screaming.
“You’re following me.” She rasped.
Is that really all you could think to say at a time like this?
Aziel’s lips twitched at the corners, wishing that he could just clear the distance between their bodies and show her exactly what he felt, erase every ounce of doubt she carried. But chasing her was like chasing a wild rabbit. One wrong move and she'd be gone again. “Clever, aren’t you?”
“And you’re an ass.”
“Until the day I die.” He nodded, licking his lips before he turned and shoved the back of a small wooden chair up under the door knob. It would do very little to stop one of the guards, but enough of an obstacle for him to prepare his defenses if needed. She watched him, drawing in steadying breaths, as he turned to face her. “Tell me something, moonflower,” He started. “Do you still doubt me?”
The last time they'd looked at one another in this way, filled with this animalistic desire, Aziel had stated that he needed more time. She believed it to be an excuse, and she'd had her doubts about his intentions. At the time, she didn’t know what to make of him. One moment, he was putting as much distance between them as physically possible and the next, he was looking at her like…this. Like she was the only light in the center of a dark and cold universe, like he’d traveled through every stretch of space in search of her.
It ached.
Because she feared that he would regret it, that one touch could send him running and she’d be left drowning in her embarrassment. Missing him.Cravinghim.
But did she stilldoubthim? Perhaps nothim, but she had her fair share of doubts in general. In herself. In her worth. She didn’t believe that anything she could offer him was worth him putting his neck on the line. Whether she was a goddess or not, she was still Nymiria. And Nymiria neveramounted to much.
Not only that, but she knew that the moment they crossed this line, there was no going back for either of them. There were consequences for this. Though the promise of heartbreak lingered and mixed with the essence of their desire, neither of them seemed to care much.
Despite everything that proved to both of them that this was a horrible idea, Nymiria wanted to be something to him.Good gods, she wanted to. She wanted to amount to something. For herself, for him. For the world he and her father were building. She wanted to be the person that everyone said she was and she wanted tobelieveit.
When she took too long to respond, Aziel released a sigh into the room, the black jewel in his ear twinkling in the light when he turned to look at his father’s belongings. “I’m not them, Nymiria.”He said softly. "I might be a liar, but I have never lied to you. Not once."
The way her name rolled off of his tongue sent tingles down her spine. She wanted to hear it again. And again. Not just for the effect it had on her, but because it made her feelreal. “I know that.” She whispered in response. “I know that you aren’t like the others. But… I am a liar.Ilied to you when I said that I felt brave. Most days I do not feel brave at all. I’m terrified.”
“Of what?”
This would all end badly. Perhaps all of thiswasto torture herself. She knew the dangers, she knew the intricate and delicate workings of her heart, yet she always ran head first towards the things that could destroy her completely.Like how she knew the risks of entering Yaar in search of her mother would lead Dorid’s men back into the heart of The Kingdom of Nym, yet she did it anyway. Because of love. Because sheachedfor her mothers embrace—for her assurance and her guidance.
There was no turning back now. She’d known for days how she felt about him and her truth was eating her alive. Even if it meant her own internal death, the words were better shared than it was for her to hold them in silent suffering.
“I'm scared of everything, Aziel. I'm scared of the things you promise me, the way you look at me, the way my body reacts to you when we are justtouchingone another… I’m falling for you.” She confessed. “And all I can think about is how terrifying that may sound to you if you don’t feel the same way. I'm scared of letting my heart feel what it wants so desperately to feel because the last time I did, I lost it. And I refuse to keep losing. My heart can't take it.”
Come what may.She thought.Let it all come crashing down around me. I will take the brunt of it.
“Moonflower,” he whispered, voice soft and filled with care. The moment his thumb traced over her lips, they parted at their own accord, desperate for a taste. “You won't be losing anything. I'm not going anywhere." Nymiria was lost in the glide of his hands, at how his fingers felt as they trailed over the vines creeping across her chest, how they swirled over the petals that adorned the swell of her breasts.She shivered under his touch, eyes brimming with tears as she looked up at him. He sighed. “Get out of your head, Nymiria. Let me see you.”
“I’m right here.”
Aziel shook his head as his finger slid down to where her heart pounded ferociously in her chest. “Show me.”
“I’m… I’m afraid you might not like what you see.”
He took her hand then, and slowly guided it to the hard ridge at the front of his breeches. “Ilovewhat I see.” He released a shuddered breath, eyes hooding when her palm flattened against him. “Tell me what that feels like. Does it feel like I find you appalling in any way?” She started to shake her head, watching as his eyes dipped to her mouth. “Use yourwords,Moonflower. Tell me what that feels like.”
She continued applying pressure to his swollen length, watching as his body grew more and more taut with each glide of her hand.“Does it feel like I’m scared of you?” He hummed, pushing his hips against her palm. Nymiria peered up at him through thick lashes, her lips twitching to a shy grin at the feeling of his cock twitching against her. “I’m not scared of you or what you feel. But I am absolutelyterrified of what will happen if either of us leave this room without me being able to tell you that I’ve fallen in love with you, too.”
